If You’ve Got Nothing Nice To Say…

 

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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 45
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? NYC
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Producer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 180
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

If You’ve Got Nothing Nice To Say…

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I had hooked up with this guy once before a few weeks earlier. The date wasn’t perfect (he showed up in sweat pants) but we had fun playing ping pong and had good sex. When he pinged me a few weeks later, it seemed like a good idea to meet again.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He chatted me on Whatsapp to ask me out again and then came to pick me up to take me to Brooklyn as he was driving an Uber that night. (He had told me previously that he was a martial arts instructor.)

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? So he picked me up in his car and we went for a drink. We weren’t perfectly vibing as I didn’t find him to be the most intelligent and erudite guy in the world, but we were having a nice time talking.

When we got back to his place, we smoked a little and then went into one of his bedrooms to have sex. He had just moved into his place and one bedroom (the one we were in) contained nothing but a hospital cot. (A bit weird, but ok) We started fucking on the cot, and I was having a good time. I remembered that he was a very skilled lover.

So we’re in missionary style, and he’s fucking me, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, he says to me, “ok, shit’s going to get real now. What’s going on at home? What’s going on with your husband?” (I’m in an open relationship). I look at him like he’s nuts (while he is still fucking me), and I say, “I don’t want to talk about my husband right now!” … And we go back to fucking. “That was odd”, I think to myself.

A little while later, I’m standing and bent over with my hands on the floor, and he is fucking me from behind, and I’m having a good time again.

And then again, out of nowhere, he starts telling me stories about all of these girls he has fucked. Now I’m not at all jealous, but I like people to focus on my while they are fucking me, and his mind is clearly elsewhere. I think to myself, “I don’t think I’m going to ever see this guy again, but no need to make a scene. Let’s just finish this thing up, he’ll drive me home, and that will be that.

Ok, that’s two things I don’t like during sex.. Here come numbers 3 and 4!

So now I’m in let’s get this over mode, and the position is getting uncomfortable with me completely bent over in half.

Next he starts telling me a story of having sex with the roommate of his ex (recent baby mama of his two year old) on his ex’s bed after they broke up! That is some vindictive shit and definitely not a turn on for me. I can tell this is an important fantasy for him, but no woman who calls herself a feminist wants to hear something crappy like that. If you’re going to behave like that, keep that shit to yourself!

I’m now not sure I can even finish the act because I’m pretty repulsed, but again, I don’t want to make a scene, and I feel like he could be close to coming, and I could just go home without talking about why he sucks and him potentially getting angry.

So we move to the bed so he can cum and the last thing he says is the most bizarre to me! Right as he is about to cum and is cumming, he starts talking a whole bunch about how his cumming inside me could make beautiful kids. Kids? Over and over? Do you want to talk about making kids with someone you are just hooking up with? Eww. And weird! I already have a kid. I’m married! And we were using a condom! And not in a relationship.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I had to ask him about the kid comments.. He told me some women really like that. Really? Maybe women you are actually trying to make babies with!

He drove me home and we made small talk. And he kept talking about how he fucked me like he missed me, which I deflected.

When he wrote me again, I had to tell him why I wasn’t going to see him again (as kindly and honestly as I could. Kind and honest is my thing.) He was really angry. Ugh. Hopefully he won’t do that with other women. I do try and pay it forward so other women can have better experiences with guys I hook up with.
And I’m sure there are women out there who would not mind any of those comments. And many plenty of people who wouldn’t find them weird or off-putting.

But for me? No thank you!

Too bad though, because he was a great kisser, had a beautiful cock, and he knew how to use it.

Onwards and upwards!

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I had to tell all of my friends immediately afterwards because it was too insane. I have told many of my subsequent dates as well because it’s fun to trade worst date stories while on a date!

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The great and crazy story I have to tell.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Realizing I didn’t want to be having sex with the person I was having sex with!

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, it just makes me appreciate the really great guys I get to have sex with!

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I am definitely not trying to shame anyone. There are probably people out there who would really like this kind of attention and communication, and I totally get that. It just wasn’t for me!

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have been in an open marriage for about 2.5 years after many years of monogamy, and I am a thousand times happier since I opened my marriage. I think casual sex is so good for people’s general well being and feelings of connectedness to others, and I hope that the more we can talk about it and remove shame from the surrounding conversation about it, the better off we will all be!

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I just discovered the casual sex project, and I think it’s absolutely wonderful!!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!