Nowhere to Go



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 40+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Nowhere to Go

How long ago did this hookup happen? 12 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’d been kicked out of rehab because I tested positive for heroin and had nowhere to go so I knocked on the door of a homeless shelter. It was a relatively new place, clean, with multiple floors separate for single men, women, families, and a common lounge and cafeteria. I first saw her in the cafeteria wearing a glitter skirt, high heels, and tank top, all of which fit beautifully accentuating her curves and small waist. There weren’t many young people staying at the shelter, but I was one of them and she was too, so we gravitated to the same social group smoking cigarettes out front. I learned that she’d checked into the shelter that morning because her landlord who lived upstairs from her was a drug dealer who threatened her and she was staying away for a few days just to be safe. By that evening we were sitting close in the public park nearby, running our hands over each other’s bodies, saying sweet comforting words. It was summer in the city and we had our beauty, if not a lot else.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had no private space and neither of us was an exhibitionist so we needed a place to fuck. We explored each other in corners of public parks, courtyards, the city library, but security guards and pedestrians dogged our moves. Thankfully, she knew her landlord would be gone for sure midday a couple of days later so we traveled across town, I waited up the street while she checked to see the coast was clear, and then we cautiously crept into her basement suite. I laid down on her bed while she double checked the house and then settled in beside me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed and tore off our clothes. We went down on each other finally, hungrily. I remember how sweaty we were, and when we fucked it was loud. I was high on heroin which locks the parasympathetic functions, so I had an unceasing erection for hours, but could not achieve orgasm myself, although I felt very close much of the time. She did have orgasms, multiple times. I enjoyed giving her pleasure and her desire to bring me to orgasm only increased her passion, which energized me, and I put that energy back into pleasing her. She didn’t know I was high and wanted badly to make me cum. Eventually, exhausted, we lay side by side glistening.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? She told me she was falling in love with me. I did not believe her because I felt that we hardly knew each other. Plus the heroin inhibited more than just orgasms, it also made me feel slightly disconnected from all emotions. I liked the feeling of intimacy, though, and was attracted to my partner, so I said something that sufficiently appeased her sentiment, I forget exactly what, something like “I think I might be falling in love with you too.” We clung desperately to each other for about two weeks. Eventually, she discovered through somebody else that I was using heroin and became extremely angry, like violently so. It ended abruptly after she threatened to have my ass kicked over 30 dollars I had borrowed from her under false pretenses (the real reason was heroin). She returned to her home and I got myself a room in a slum hotel. A few months later she sent me an email saying she ran into a mutual acquaintance who had told her I was looking “very fucking well”. I was not, in fact, doing very well and I did not reply. A year or so later I was doing better and encountered her sitting across from me on a bus. “Hi,” I said. She was visibly agitated and said aggressively, “Are you still doing heroin?” “No,” I said, very embarrassed because of all the people overhearing. “I still owe you money, don’t I?” I said and asked her to exit with me at the next stop where there was a bank machine. She did, hardly speaking, and I withdrew a hundred dollars and gave it to her. It was more than three times what I had borrowed so I don’t really know why I did that. We parted ways, she still appeared livid with me, and I never saw her again.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Heroin

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I mentioned it to one friend.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It felt cinematically beautiful in that we were so desperate yet sincere and passionate.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The emotional volatility, how doomed we were. How it ended.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It lends insight into how seamless selfishness and giving can be sometimes.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I regret giving her 100 dollars the last time I saw her because I would hate for her to have felt paid off, or objectified, like that cheapened the positive aspects.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Life is hard, might as well help each other feel good.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Go for it.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!