What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 45
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What country and/or city do you live in? Australia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Public service
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? About 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 17 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She looked like a lingerie model. 5’6” and petite with medium breasts. She had a beautiful smile, beautiful eyes, and medium length blonde hair. She lived interstate but we had been chatting online for about a month, mostly just flirting. Sometimes we texted or spoke on the phone. She was considering leaving her abusive husband.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had been circling around the idea of meeting up somewhere. I found suddenly that I’d be going to her city. I was going near hers for work, for a week. By this time she was separated from her husband.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We stayed together in a hotel. We were shy when we first met. We went out for coffee and it was like being on a date. When we returned we started kissing and then had sex. It was very gentle and passionate. We stayed naked together for the next day and a half before she had to return home.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was falling in love with her, as we had become quite emotionally close. We agreed to meet up again a few weeks later. We spent 5 wonderful days together, traveling around and being intimate in every possible way. It was a little heartbreaking as the days fell away, as it was completely unrealistic for either of us to relocate. We both wondered if the emotions we were feeling were just sexual bliss, which would fall away over time.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some friends, mostly online. They were all supportive.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was probably the first time I’d ever had good sex. I’d been with girls I was attracted to before, but because there were no genuine feelings besides physical attraction, the experiences were soured.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? We had to wean ourselves off too much contact because it was upsetting. I felt lonely and went back to my comfort zone, which was seeking online relationships. When she realized that’s what I was doing, she became really upset. It devastated me that I’d made her feel that way.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I’d never realized before how much genuinely liking a person would affect the quality of sexual intimacy. Previously I thought physical attraction was all that mattered.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I had to experience it to realize I didn’t really want it. I had further experiences afterward, they were all better or worse depending on whether there was more or less genuine feelings along with the physical attraction.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great idea. I really hope some interesting research can come from the data.
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