This post is sponsored by The T Bar.
What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 45
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Iowa
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Shower at Her Place
How long ago did this hookup happen? 23 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met K. during a summer working at a manufacturing facility as temps. I was between years in college, and she was between jobs. We hit it off right away, with the same sense of humor, so we spent breaks together talking about movies, all the usual stuff. She was six years older, so that was intriguing to me, and she was blond and good looking without being cute or fluffy. She appeared *serious* and *mature* to me.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? In retrospect, I was ridiculously naive about K’s intentions that night, but I really didn’t know what was going to happen. We agreed to go out and see a movie after work, but I lived many miles away and didn’t have time to go home and shower, so she told me to bring a change of clothes and then shower at her place. (Yes, I know.) I agreed in earnest, and after work I went to her place, got into the shower, and after a couple of minutes she knocked and said, “Can I join you?” Of course: so she came in naked, we made out, she sucked me, I fingered her, and then she said, “We should go to the bed.”
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We dried off and she got a condom out of her drawer, and put it on me, which I found incredibly arousing. She may have sensed my nervousness—I’d only had 3 sexual partners before her—because she said, “You don’t need to worry about making me come. I don’t orgasm with a cock inside me, so I’ll do that on my own.” That statement was incredibly kind and thoughtful but was also a turn-on and tease to get me even more aroused.
We had sex in a few positions, and she seemed very wet and aroused. After I came and pulled out she rolled over and said: “OK, now it’s my turn.” She took her vibrator from under the bed, laid on her back and spread her legs. She immediately went to work, fingering herself, pinching her nipples, rhythmically working the vibrator up to her clitoris and down into her vagina. I was just astonished by this: it was a formative sexual experience for me to see a woman bring herself to orgasm. By the time I sensed she was close to coming, maybe 10 minutes later, I had started masturbating as I lay next to her and watched, occasionally licking her nipple. Just as I felt ready to come again, she lifted her head up a bit and groaned loudly, almost grunting: “Oh god, oh, uh, uhhhhhhh.” I ejaculated on her thigh and pubic hair, and then we played with each other and kissed as we came down from it. Afterwords she smoked, which totally turned me off (especially when the lit end brushed against my forearm and burned me).
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We had sex a couple more times that summer, but It was a short fling. There was a flood that summer that completely destroyed the facility we were in, so after that it was just cleanup and fatigue. I went back to school, and she moved on to another job.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a friend of mine that we had sex, but I’ve never shared the details until now.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I got to see a woman masturbate and have an orgasm.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The smoking. Yuck.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Absolutely. I knew my previous partners hadn’t had orgasms, and I didn’t know how to even go about making them come. K. showed me how she did it, and let me lick her nipples and watch how the vibrator hit her clitoris and moved in and out of her vagina.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Generally positive, although I’m much more monogamous in spirit. I grew up completely ignorant of porn and the sexual imagery that is so pervasive today, and I think kids my son’s age will have a hard time adjusting to the real world of sex. If I could give teenage boys one piece of advice on sex, it’s this: watch a woman masturbate to orgasm, either through (carefully selected) porn or by asking your girlfriend if she’s willing to let you watch. Every woman will do it differently, and they will react uniquely to your tongue, your hands, your penis, etc. Maybe she’s never had an orgasm, or thinks she hasn’t. That’s another part of life.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? i think it’s a great idea.
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