What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 36
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York City
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Operations Manager
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Bi curious
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The Rabbit Farmer
How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Early to mid 30’s, met them on AshleyMadison.com. Chatted with him consistently, daily or every couple of days for a month or two.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Met in person for the first time at a local shopping center. We went for a drink / dinner. I drank, he ate. (I wasn’t hungry) afterwards he walked me to my car, and kissed me. He was a great kisser. He was turned on and pointed out how hard he was. He took my hand and put it on his dick so I could feel it. I made a comment to appease him, then got in my car, and left.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The next time we met it was more spontaneous. We were both available and I met him at his farm. I had no intention of sleeping with him. It was only the 2nd time I had seen him. I didn’t “prep” the way I normally would have. I needed a good waxing. It was evening and the farm was deserted. He grabbed a blanket from his truck, took my hand, and led me to the field. He treated me like we had been dating for years. Called me babe, would put his arm around me, and was affectionate. He laid the blanket out and we relaxed. He started pointing out constellations in the sky and then we started kissing.
Next thing I know, clothes are starting to come off. I tell him that I didn’t want to and he says we don’t have to, just let me touch you. I tell him no because I hadn’t shaved and he said he didn’t care. We start kissing again and in my head I figured screw it! He doesn’t care and I want to know if I can go through with it. (I’m married and newly in an open relationship. I was afraid I’d feel guilty) I tell him I won’t without a condom and he goes to get one. Leaves me at night in a field alone for a good 5 minutes. He returns and we continue and the next thing you know where having sex. I’m on my belly he’s behind me fucking me and choking me. (I like this but am also a little scared. I don’t know him like that why am I letting him do this) we continue and I don’t remember exactly how we went from regular sex to anal sex but we did. He kept going till he came, fucking me quickly like a rabbit with his skinny but long dick. At one point he forcefully slammed himself into me (like my uterus was just stabbed from the inside! Ugh) I did not come but I was happy bc I had sex with a man that was not my husband of 7yrs that I’ve known since 5th grade. No guilt!!! I was so happy. The farmer had no clue why
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? No guilt and no plans to see him again.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Aunt/Cousin
Excited for me, wanted to be sure I was safe.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I learned that I would be ok with having an “affair”. Not sure I should still call it an affair since I have permission.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not coming and Him “stabbing” me
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes.
I know now that I can enjoy myself the way I want to without guilt. I still worry what other people think and for those I do share with I want their approval. (I would prefer that not be the case.)
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Felt bad that I didn’t meet up with him again. Didn’t want him to feel used. He kept reaching out to see him again but he was way too aggressive about it. Wouldn’t get the hint when I kept making up excuses so I told him flat out I had no intention of seeing him again.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual Sex was / is not the norm for me, 4 of my 6 partners i knew for years and we were in committed relationships. It is just recently that I have engaged in casual sex.
Changed: less or no judgement
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it moves the conversation forward and gets people to think about it in a different light. This was therapeutic for me.
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