Thought This Was Something Else…


This post is sponsored by Trust Massage Oil.


What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 57
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles, CA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Writer/Director/Producer
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Not really…
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 180
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none

Thought this was something else…

How long ago did this hookup happen? four weeks ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She is a beautiful woman, 34 years old, Latina. We were introduced by an elderly couple. The wife of the couple called me months ago saying she knew a woman who was in a relationship but it was over and was looking for someone sincere, single and looking for a real woman in a real situation. We met on the phone, got together a few days later for a drink and a week later on another date she invited me back to her place. I really felt before the date that this was a woman looking for a boyfriend and since I’ve been out here looking for the ‘one’ but hooking up causally on and off for years, I was surprised by her beautify and forthrightness.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Patrice tells Mark that she wants to make love to him. It’s their second date and Mark is elated because he thinks she is beautiful, he really loves the sound of her voice and senses there may a future between them. More importantly, he feels there is a real connection. They hang on each other’s words and enjoy staring into each other’s eyes. It feels strong. It feels real.

They make it back to her apartment. Patrice plays music and candles are lit. Patrice pours wine and they do a little dancing to The Weekend, the new music of sex these days. After a while, heavy petting leads to Patrice leading Mark to the bedroom. Before they get to the bed, Patrice’s clothes are off and Mark has to catch up to get undressed. They have sex.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? They have sex. It’s pretty good sex. A couple of positions and lots of movement with Patrice instructing Mark what she likes. He goes down on her but she doesn’t come. Mark tries for a very long time but it’s not happening for her. we went back to her place and she dance for me and then sex. Finally Mark turned her over, mounts her big beautiful ass and climaxes inside of her with out a condom. She said she would rather have it inside of her. No anal, just licking and fucking. She also did something I’ve never experienced before – she clamped down on her vagina very tightly to the point where she could really dictate when I would come. Never happened to me before. Really amazing pussy. Didn’t open her eyes much but a very good lover. They lay next to each other to talk. The first thing Mark says is “well, that was amazing and unexpected.” The first thing Patrice says is “I liked it too. Listen, have you ever thought about being with another couple or go to an adult sex club? Maybe we could do that?” Mark thinks this is an interesting topic of conversation after their very first time having sex. “Sure, you and I, that would be hot as long as we can, you know hold hands when we’re together at one those places, sure.” Patrice agrees, “yes, we would be together but we would go around and check out the scene. I have friends who do that kind of thing. In fact, I want you to meet a couple, they’re good friends of mine. They will be at my birthday picnic in a couple of weeks.” Mark says sure. Patrice gets up, cleans up a bit and then jumps back into bed. They drink and talk a bit more and then have more sex. Finally, they go to sleep, wake up the next morning and for more sex but this time a quickie. It’s better than the night before. They shower, dress, talk a bit and then Mark takes off. Mark thinks a new relationship has started. Mark is 57 and Patrice is 34.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? It was clear to Mark that this was the start of a relationship. Even though it started very quick and very sexual, he was introduced to her by a couple who said Patrice was looking for a good and sincere man. I felt good about what I was doing in the next two weeks. We had dates, had pretty good sex but she never comes. As hard as Mark tries she just can’t get there and Mark has no problems in the past getting a woman to come, either orally or vaginally. One day, Mark invites Patrice to a pool party at a close friend’s house. Patrice brings her son. Everyone has a good time.
Partrice said she had to take her kid to his father’s house. She sorta alluded to Mark that she wanted him to follow her but Mark was pretty tired after the long day and went home. At midnight she texted Mark saying he should come and meet her in Oxnard at a strip club. She was with her girlfriend from a bar and they were on the way. Mark was in bed on a Sunday night and it’s an hour long drive. But Mark was intrigued so he got up and drove out. And then it was on! Got there, not too many people on a Sunday night. Patrice and Mark checked out some dancers tossing dollar bills. Then we got a private dance together with one cute and thick girl with great tits. Patrice was all over this girl while Mark was kissing her. It was a five minute threesome of kissing and stroking and fingering each other. When it was over, they went back to her place and she dance for Mark and then sex. But she was totally in control. She wanted Mark to do this wild rasberry type trick on her clit where he blows air hard until she comes. Like Mark is a human air compressor! Takes a lot of breath and time and Mark did it for 30 minutes but was so tired afterwards, he was nearly getting light headed. She came close to coming many times but she never did. Mark finally turned her over and came inside of her. Then they talked and she told me all about her past. She was abused at 6 years old with her sister by her mother’s boyfriend. The mother took the boyfriend’s side and she had to go to court years later at 10 years old and wound up in foster care for a year. Horrible. Of course that is the reason she is so sexually forward and why she didn’t have a full education because she was a wild girl early on having two kids back to back in her teens. I told her about my early abuse. Not sure why. Maybe solidarity with abuse or something. Who knows. Then we took some sleeping pills. It’s now 4 in the morning. We started fucking again for 30 minutes but this time she wanted to be chocked. Then she finally came, or she might’ve faked it. Who knows. Crazy night. Woke up and she was in the other room sleeping in her son’s bed. I drove and took her to her car back in Oxnard and we hardly said a word. While she was sleeping I checked out her phone text messages and a lot of guys are chasing her trying to get with her. Some were close and she told them she was starting to date me, others she just let the texting end and they stopped contacted her. Her ex fiance was upset she went to a strip club and they never did it when they were together for 4 years! She said she still thought of him but was glad they were moving on in their lives. I guess there is still some feelings. What was cool was her mentioned me two or three times to other people in the texts so that was nice but wow, this woman wants to fuck and fuck often so I will have to keep her as a FWB type of girlfriend because she clearly is not going to be committed just to me.

The future – Patrice is very attractive and highly sexual. Mark is attractive and highly sexual but was looking for a long term relationship. Patrice is also a woman who was not necessarily thinking about Mark as an individual and possible boyfriend but as a partner for her to do other things. Over the course of the next two weeks, Mark learns that Patrice is a swinger who just separated from her boyfriend/fiancé for four years. Mark was introduced to her by a mutual friend but the mutual friend only knows Patrice as a beautiful woman looking for a nice, sincere man who might be right for her. Jan and Steve, the mutual friends, even told Mark that Patrice was a ‘one-man woman.’ In fact, Jan called Mark to tell him that Patrice really liked him. Mark is elated but when he finds out that Patrice is a swinger a week later, he’s thrown back considerably. Mark feels like he as interchangeable with any man who would complete a foursome for Patrice so she can participate in her swinger life. It’s called “The lifestyle” and Patrice has been a part of it for nearly ten years apparently loving it. She even told Mark another man was at her house to have sex two nights before they had sex. Patrice said she wants Mark to meet him and his wife and maybe if things go well we can swap. Patrice then lays out her relationship manifesto – she only has sex with couples but she wants to make sure the couple is really in love with each other so when she has sex with them together or separately she feels their love. She also wants to be treated like the special addition. This makes her very excited. She continues saying to Mark, ‘if we are a couple, it would be even better because there would a be joint excitement on all sides.’ Mark doesn’t know what to think at this point. Patrice also has three young boys ages 9, 15 and 17 who live with the fathers. Clearly Patrice doesn’t want to raise her children. It probably gets in the way of her swinger sex. Needless to say, Mark is not sure if he can or will be able to hang with Patrice. This was not what he was after when introduced to her. A lot of men would find a beautiful bold Latina who loves sex often with couples the biggest turn on but when put directly in your face, it can toss a man into a spiral. I think she was attracted to the newness of it and not really me per se. She needs a sex partner to be her partner for the future for her swinging. Since we had sex two weeks ago, we have talked one time and in fact she tried to break up by saying she wanted to slow down using “I still feel for my ex boyfriend” excuse. I soon found out she was a swinger and the second I told her I actually liked her made her back away. Apparently in that world, you do not express feelings such as these.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A couple of good friends. Very excited for me. They thought it was a new relationship. Little did I know this was just a hookup.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? She is amazing in bed. Loves sex and loves to have it as much as possible. She’s younger than me so it was particularly gratifying to have had a woman that found me sexy and desirable.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That is was on false information on my part.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I should have read the tea leaves better with her. Single mother of three boys, beautiful woman who does facials and eye brows for a living in a salon and the boys don’t live with her. She has a lot of time on her hands and talked to me after our first time having sex about having swapping with a couple, that was a tell tell sign of someone not really interested in me but interested in a sexual lifestyle with other people. I didn’t really register it at first but I sure get it now.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I will have to think long and hard about hookups as opposed to something long term. I thought this was long term. I’ve done tons of hookups. This was misleading and I have only myself to blame.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I like casual sex. I like meeting someone new and going for it when you both know what it is. It’s fun and it enhancing life. When there is the possibility of a real relationship, I know it when I see it. This was casual and I should have known it.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Interested way to get information off your chest. I will submit another one soon.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!