by Pavlovskat

Gender: Female
Age: 39
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Mountains
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Entrepreneur
Relationship status: Married
Religious affiliation: Not religious
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Straight
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Taking It Offline

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years ago

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was Indian- tall and very skinny. He had been chat friends for years- he lived far away and we lost touch. One day out of the blue, he e-mailed. He had a job as a consultant in a nearby town. I always admired him, knew he was smart- but this time around he was much more flirty and aggressive.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We started online chats- several times a day texting. One day we skyped (kept clothes on). The next week he found a “job” to consult in my hometown. I agreed to meet him for dinner. I told him it was just a friendly dinner as I was married. I met him at the hotel – he needed to drop off his bag from work- he made the first move in the hotel room- deep, sensual kiss. The rest of the night he was very touchy feely- using my foot for a foot job under the dinner table.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We hooked up again a month and a half later while I was at a conference for work. He didn’t bring a condom and came inside me prematurely. I freaked out because it was my fertile time of the month. He liked me on top so we did this a few times. I gave him oral sex several times- he never reciprocated. I asked him to do missionary- he did and I came. We slept together and kissed. 2 nights in a row we were together.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? No protection. We had asked each other about sexual histories but didn’t go into much depth. He was baffled I wasn’t on birth control- my husband had a Vasectomy so I wasn’t using anything. I asked him to bring a latex/spermicide free condom- he did not. I ended up taking Plan B.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I felt a great affection and connection for him.

I guess after our hook up it was false. He essentially disappeared and made a point to remove himself from my life.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We were both social drinkers. I had the hotel fridge stocked with ample amounts of wine.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was disappointed- he did not seem too into sex and did not seem too keen on making much effort to satisfy me. I was confused- what went wrong?

I tried contacting him, tried to make sense of the whole thing . Never really got closure. Mostly, I really miss his friendship. I am very sad he is gone from my life (despite his promises that would never happen). I don’t want to believe he was a player… But maybe that’s all he was. And I was a total fool.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my husband about 6 months after. I really told him to test the strength of our marriage and to give him a reason to leave. He made a point to stay and has been devastated by all of it.

I told my story to experience project. Some nice people offered me a shoulder to cry on.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was mutually consensual – although I was believing his words that he loved me and nothing would change between us.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Hard to say. I felt alive and desired at the time. He made me feel wanted and loved for a short period of time. I enjoyed the sex despite his poor performance. 
But the heartache was intense and it still haunts me every day- it is like he has left this gaping wound in my heart and even after 2 years nothing will heal it. I don’t know if it was because I was really under the delusion of love or a lack of closure.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Sleeping in his arms at night and feeling like it was where I belonged. A momentary feeling that maybe I have finally met my soul mate. His rejection which haunts me every night.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

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