What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Retail
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Teacher’s Assistant as my Gateway
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 year ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Didn’t know any of them well at all except the first one. They were of different races. Met most on Tinder. Didn’t really think about anything except their physical appearance.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My first one was at my TA’s house in the summer one night. We were flirting in the lab during the days and planned a movie at his place that night
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Vaginal only. It was my first time. I was SO LOUD but it felt awesome. T.T
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was pretty naive at the time. I didn’t really know how to feel afterwards. I felt physically pleasured. It was my first time and strangely, I knew that I only wanted a fuck-buddy and nothing more. I wasn’t the type who wanted to wait for a serious relationship, because I had never been in one and was pretty sure it’d be awhile before I’d be in one. I knew I wasn’t emotionally developed enough to fall in love with him so I was pretty nonchalant about it. I wanted to hook up again because it felt amazing so we did it a couple more times (7-8). Then it ended when I went home for the rest of the summer and we hooked up once or twice during the new semester and then I stopped talking to him. I realized he was kind of a douche because when we started, he emphasized not telling anyone about our relationship because as a TA, it’s strictly prohibited to hook up with a student and he could get kicked out. I promised obviously since I didn’t want to be labelled by anyone. That “rule” turned out to be false– he just really cared about his rep. I have a feeling he’s told a bunch of his friends by now. Anyway, like I said, I cut him off cold and since then he’s been (understandably) dismissive towards me when we see each other on campus. In retrospect, I wish I had waited for someone who I knew better and who actually cared about me (even just as a real friend). But realistically, the chance of having a true friend is hard enough to come by, let alone one with whom you could pull off a friend-with-benefit arrangement. So even though I look back on that relationship as *ohgodwhy*, I’m also glad it happened, because tbh the same type of scenario would probably have unfolded, just with a different person and at a later time. Plus, I was ready to burst with sexual frustration at the time.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one initally. I didn’t have any close girlfriends at the time. My parents aren’t the type I can talk to about this stuff. I finally made a friend this year (2 years after the fact) who also hooks up and we talked about it. It was really nice to be able to tell someone who understands and to see someone listen with intent rather than be afraid they might judge you or make you feel ashamed.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I just wish it was a different guy. Someone who wasn’t such a selfish guy. He was selfish in other ways that just lying about the TA rule against sleeping with students. I let him come inside twice in the heat of the moment and he didn’t pay for Plan B either time. He’d “forget” to give me half the cost and then change the subject. Because he’s like 4 years older than I am, I just wish he had been more attentive to my feelings. We weren’t strangers. All in all, as I said, I regret jumping into a hook-up with someone I didn’t know well enough. While I was pretty sexually frustrated at the time, I feel I’d be able to look back on my first time with fonder memories if I’d chosen someone I knew a bit better. But I understand that I WAS looking for casual sex and so really, what more could I expect?
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? IT FELT SO GOOD.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It was my first time, and I was SO loud. He has housemates. I know I woke them all up. It’s still embarrassing to think of that. He didn’t let me see their faces (part of the “TA rule”) so IF he’s told them who I am by now, I don’t even know who they are. I could be sitting on public transport next to his enlightened roommate and have no clue…
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? My first hook-up led to much more curiosity. I started meeting new guys on Tinder while I was still hooking up with him (We established that we were just fuck-buddies and that we could technically see other people) without telling him. I was in that newly deflowered phase where I wanted to see what it was like to be with different guys and different styles/techniques of sex. I grew out of that phase after my 6th guy, and started to feel more like waiting for a serious relationship. Casual sex is fun, but the disadvantage is that your fuck-buddy usually doesn’t give a fuck how well they pleasure you, so long as they’re pleasured well. Further, after a certain number of hook-ups, I started wanting more than just empty desire. Yes, sex with a random hottie is mysterious and kinky, but it gets old quickly because the intimacy of sex made me want to be with someone I loved, I wanted to say I love you, and to look in his eyes without feeling like I was being too passionate for a hook-up. I knew that this would happen even before I even lost my virginity, but I didn’t truly understand the feeling until I had actually experienced it.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? In my opinion, casual sex is not such a big deal as long as you play it safe and you’re smart enough to know who and what you’re getting into. It eased my sexual tension in a time during which I didn’t want a relationship but needed sex. I think it’s actually quite useful, as long as you’re careful about feelings and again, who you’re hooking up with.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like this. I don’t share much of my wilder side often so it’s freeing to be able to share this story somewhere it won’t be judged.
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