Current location: New York City
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Relationship status: Single
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Queer
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
That Time I Fucked a Dad
How long ago did this hookup happen? Approx 6 months
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? One-night stand
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? G first messaged me on Grindr basically the day I moved into my dorm in August. I wasn’t interested in him because he was older (his profile was listed as 40, but he told me he was 41 after the hook up) than the guys I usually go for. I would mostly reply out of politeness, we wouldn’t talk for a while, and then he’d message me when he was horny again some weeks later. I grew kind of intrigued as many of my friends were hooking up with somewhat older guys, and I sort of expressed that to G, but was generally really indecisive and sent a lot of mixed messages because I was ultimately feeling reluctant. I hadn’t yet had penetrative sex with a cis guy (or any guy) but I was really interested in trying it, but was sort of battling between my own desire for the experience to be good and with someone I liked, but also the awareness that “first times” don’t really mean anything. He expressed frustration about my indecision one day when I brought it up, and I had a small gathering since a friend was visiting for the weekend and we all got pretty drunk. I was messaging G most of the night, basically arranging to come over and trying to address all my concerns — he didn’t want to use condoms, and even though I had them myself I felt awkward trying to convince him. Once everyone left my room, I told my visiting friend I was heading out since she was staying in my room for the night, and she asked if I was going to hook up with someone. I was incredibly nervous on my walk over, which was only four or five blocks away.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a little bit more messaging once I got on his block, I ended up at his front door, which opened to reveal G clad only in boxers. I felt a further rush of anxiety which was quelled by how drunk I still was. I stepped inside and immediately asked for a glass of water, since my throat was feeling dry. He offered it to me, and we sat talking as I tried to drink my water as slowly as possible. I finished it and very soon after he asked about getting things started. He promptly dropped his boxers and stood naked before me as I took off my clothes, leaving on my t-shirt as I was shy about showing off the scars I had from gender confirmation chest surgery in the summer. I left all my clothes on the couch and moved towards his bed.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I laid down on his bed, my legs hanging over the edge at first as he stood, and he fairly quickly moved to grab lubrication and use it to prepare my vagina. He lubricated his penis, offered me poppers to relax which I took, and then penetrated me. The feeling was uniquely painful. I don’t really remember if he asked how it felt or anything, but I think he stopped to lubricate himself again once or twice, and offered me poppers again once or twice, which I could feel relax my body, making it much more tolerable. I wouldn’t say he was particularly gentle with me, but I think we stopped after a little while once he noticed I was bleeding. It was a pretty short sexual encounter overall, probably not more than 20 minutes of vaginal penetration.
Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Neither of us had an orgasm
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I now know lubrication is technically a barrier method, but in the context of this encounter there weren’t any real tangible precautions taken. When I brought up condoms and concerns about sexual health while we were still chatting through Grindr, G said “I’m [HIV] neg. what about you?” so to that limited extent, STI history was mentioned.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I think I was growing impatient with wanting to start having experiences where I was vaginally penetrated. I was also drunk, probably aroused by the concept of having sex, and considered how consistent and persistent G had been with messaging me decided he was a decent option.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes, I had several drinks prior to going to G’s place, and was significantly intoxicated throughout the entire experience. I believe he was also slightly drunk, as he told me he had finished a bottle of wine. Additionally we used poppers, an inhalant.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The majority of the time I spent at G’s place was actually after we finished having sex, and we talked quite a bit about a number of topics, including his two daughters, one of which is the same age as me. I didn’t know that he had kids or was divorced or much other personal information until this moment, but I found talking to him really interesting. I hadn’t enjoyed the sex too much, but it wasn’t intolerable and I enjoyed the overall experience for what it was in that moment. I thought maybe I would meet up with him again because he left a decent impression at first.
The next day I scheduled an appointment later int the week to have my vagina checked out, since I was concerned it was still bleeding a little — especially since I hadn’t menstruated in about a year since starting HRT, and any bleeding leaves me very uncomfortable. By the time the appointment day came, the bleeding had stopped but it had started being painful to urinate. One prescription and a week later, I was back again, still with painful urination but now with bumps. I had the bumps swabbed to be tested for herpes, and had a nail-biting Thanksgiving weekend where I took a trial of Valtrex since the lab was closed for the holiday and I didn’t want to wait in case it was, in fact, herpes.
The bumps did clear up over the Thanksgiving break, so I wasn’t surprised to find when I came back that I had tested positive for herpes simplex 1. At this point, I wasn’t sure if G had passed it onto me, or another guy who I had oral and non-penetrative sex with a couple days before. I contacted both of them, and the other guy straightforwardly denied it, while G calmly explained that he had also had painful urination the day following us having sex, and that he was fine now. I assumed this meant that I had given it to him.
We messaged back and forth, and I tried to arrange meeting up with G again, but this time took a firmer stance on condoms. He balked, saying he didn’t like them, and when I said I wasn’t interested in having sex without a condom, he turned it around and said we didn’t have to do anything if I wasn’t comfortable with it. A half an hour later, he sent me a message saying “we could be having sex now.”
Up until now, he will periodically message me, ranging in mood for kindly inquisitive to, more rarely, horny. He doesn’t appear to intend to change his mind about condom use, and I question whether I was right to assume I passed herpes onto him. I still respond to him, as I often like idle conversation, and I’m honestly curious if he might ever change his mind — not that I believe I would enjoy having sex with him now that I’ve had other, more pleasurable experiences.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told basically all of my close friends, and have brought it up to some more casual friends. Most were sort of amused or dismayed by the fact that he was so much older than me, and that he had children, as well as all of the elements of the way I tell the whole story about him and the other man who possibly gave me herpes.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yeah, I would say it was consensual for both of us
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I have mixed feelings towards this experience. I think it was kind of important to me to have had penetrative sex with somebody, though perhaps he was not the best choice. I certainly have mixed feelings about finding out I carry the virus for herpes simplex 1 since my first outbreak was a very physically and emotionally painful experience, but it also helped me learn so much more about my own sexual health and body, and thereby helped me educate others as well.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was the conversation after we finished having sex. The worst was the pain, bleeding for longer than I’d like, and possibly getting herpes from this specific hook up. This specific encounter has definitely affected me in a pretty big way, and I think it was ultimately important for me. I think it’s made casual sex less scary, like the worst has already happened, but also I know what to look for in the future.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
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