by Julia

Gender: Female
Age: 22
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: London
Highest education available: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Designer
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The Bartender

How long ago did this hookup happen? One year ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Fuck buddies

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you
know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup?
 He was a bartender at my local watering hole in my hometown. I met him that day but had seen him there before, we’d never hooked up. We met because he was making me a bloody mary (at 2 pm, I was on holiday) and he didn’t have all the right ingredients so instead he made me a free drink and we took a shot together. I was really attracted to him, he looked like James Dean. Tall, blonde, tattoos, extremely muscular, slicked back hair.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was day drinking with a friend who convinced me that I had to breakup with my boyfriend of the time who was supposed to drive to town and see me the next day. She could tell that I was flirting with the bartender and she knows me too well and said I had to break up with the boyfriend because I’m going to end up cheating on him with said bartender if I don’t. So I drunkenly broke up with my boyfriend at maybe 4 pm, over the phone, in a bar (so horrible). Continued to get really drunk and flirt with the bartender. His shift ended at 7, we got in his car and went to another bar, I gave him road head, we drank more and finally went back to his place when we were both extremely drunk.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Oral, both ways. Vaginal, some violence during intercourse. I felt great, I had three orgasms, we had vaginal intercourse maybe 4-5 times throughout the night, he was an amazing lover. We both climaxed at the same time every time we had sex. We didn’t talk about much, it ended with us passing out on each other and then waking up and having sex again.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Condoms/birth control. I vaguely remember asking him if he was clean before the fact.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Newly found freedom from the chains of a long relationship, attraction, actually saying to a friend when I first saw him working there that I wanted to sleep with him, intoxication, human nature.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? No drugs, a lot of alcohol. I probably had 6 or more gin and tonics, and several shots of tequila throughout the day/night

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He drove me home in his vintage 50s car, I felt great, my exboyfriend called me and started questioning me, we had a really dramatic falling out, I felt like a shitty person for a bit, then I got drinks with my friends and saw the Bartender again and everything was great. We continued to sleep together the whole 6 weeks I was home visiting, it was mindless and fun and easy. I had no hopes for a future with him as I lived in NYC at the time and was just visiting. I still feel fond of him, there are no unresolved/bad feelings.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Pretty much all my friends, it was a crucial point in the story of breaking up with my boyfriend. They weren’t too surprised, most laughed, some felt bad for my ex boyfriend.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Definitely.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all, it was the best fuck buddy situation I could ever hope for.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The sex was amazing. The worst was dealing with my ex boyfriend the next day. I think this hookup was a turning point for me, I enjoyed it so much that I started to pursue casual sex more often after being in a relationship for so long. It released something in me, made me feel more powerful.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

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