by Michelle

Gender: Female
Age: 18
Race/ethnicity: Latin
Current location: Venezuela
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Occupation: Student
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? Somewhat
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The Beautiful-Messy First Time

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 months ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Friends-with-benefits

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is a very good looking guy, he’s 11 years older than me. We first met in a disco. He approached to me and we danced and had some conversation all night long. He asked for my cellphone number and then he started calling me and stuff. The very first time he invited me to go somewhere, I really thought it could be something like go somewhere and talk about each other and stuff like that, – but not so fast- at the end of the day we end up in his apartment, and because of his attitude I knew he only wanted sex. It really was in the second “date” when we started kissing that I had to ask him about what we wanted, that was when he told me “I’m too older to be your boyfriend, this will last as long as you want it to last”. Well I was curious, and virgin. I had a lot of thoughts and curiosities on my mind, and I really didn’t know him, he was a totally strange for me. After that I decided to keep seeing him under those conditions. I had the crazy and naive idea that maybe with time I could really have with him something more than sex.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was in his apartment. I wanted to explore that new world which I had no idea about. The previous months was only sexual games but not intercourse. It was a couple months til I decided to finally have sex with him.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We were in his apartment with two more friends that didn’t know we were keeping that kind of relationship. We were trying to catch some chance to meet in his bedroom. We tried to be as discretes as possible. I pretended to go to the restroom while then he pretended to look for something in the room next to the restroom. We closed and locked his bedroom door -just in case- (or we thought it was closed) and started with all the action. That was my first time, so just imagine all my nerves. It hurted me like hell in the beginning, but at the end, of course it was awesome, also the fact that we were hiding made it more exciting, everything was amazing until I heard one of his friends voice closer, when suddenly he opens the door. Thank God I was almost dressed and his friend a little bit drunk.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Yes he did. But that’s the sad part, I didn’t.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? He wore a condom.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? First I was looking for experience and some adventure. And horniness.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Definitely not. We were totally conscious and sober.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After that, he kept calling me and texting me but not all the time, at least once a week. Immediately after that I felt so bad and dirty, because I lost my virginity with someone I basically met a couple months ago and he’s not even my boyfriend or something, and specially knowing that he doesn’t love me or he will call me only to have sex. I felt like trash because it was like I lost all my dignity giving my virginity to anyone. Then I was more objective and I thought that I enjoyed very much that moment. And now I think it wasn’t a bad decision because I wanted it to happen, as simple as that. Right now I keep this relationship and sexually every time is getting better. But sometimes I want something more, I want the sentimental part too. And stop feeling some kind of emptiness.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I could not resist to tell someone, so I told my best friend and my sister. They were really understanding, especially my best friend. It was a little bit shocking to my sister to know that her lil sis is not virgin anymore, but in the end she had a very good attitude and she didn’t judge me.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? I’d say yes on both sides. This was something we both wanted.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No, I don’t.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing about this experience I think it was knowing myself sexually, what I like and what I don’t like and especially it made me more mature, learning to keep this kind of relationship that I think it demands a lot of maturity, where you have to be sure that this is not about feelings.

The worst part was that it wasn’t with someone I really have feelings for, or someone who I’m in love with. And that it wasn’t as special as once I imagined it was going to be.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Despite all the bad things it could have, this was a life experience that has taught me a lot of things which will help me all along my life in any kind of relationships or even in growing as a person, because it has held me in knowing myself better.

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