What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 50
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States/Michigan
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Writer
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The Deep-Thinking Dom
How long ago did this hookup happen? 17
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met on an online dating site. I was curious about exploring my submissive side. I only had one other experience and it was pretty bad/dangerous. I was attracted to and curious about R because he was a deep thinker and very articulate.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I agreed to meet him at a coffee shop. Since I didn’t see a photo of him before we met, he told me where to sit and he would find me. He asked that he’d initiate a conversation with him but asked me to pretend that I did not know him or that I was expecting him. I kind of blew it because I was very excited to meet him. He turned out to be a very attractive man.
Coffee lead to a cocktail at a bar down the street where he gave me the option to meet him later that week in public for cocktails or at his house for a bottle of wine. He assured me that no sex would take place.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? As we were talking, with my consent, he bound my wrists with a plastic pull tab. He started talking about his dungeon in the basement. I said I was curious to see it. He double-checked to make sure I was okay with my decision.
He showed me his gear and asked if I would like to know what it felt like to be tied up. He was quite skilled at shibari (Japanese rope bondage). He had tied me up over my sundress (he asked that I come to see him wearing a dress) but slipped a rope through my slit/inner labia. Every time I moved, even a little bit, my lips would tingle and get wet. Every time I moved, he paddled me with a wooden paddle. It hurt, it made me move, get me wet, and made me orgasm. After a while, he stopped and untied me. No sex took place. We talked for a little while longer and then I went home. I fantasized about him that night and for several days after.
A few days later, he asked that I come to his house to meet him to go out for breakfast. When I arrived at his house, there was a note on his front door asking me to come in and wake him up.
I woke him up. He hog tied me in the bed and he kept asking me if I was a bad girl. Then he fucked me good and hard. He untied me and we went out for breakfast and then browsing around a Sunday morning flea market.
We went out to dinner later that week. Had a very pleasant non-sexual conversation. No sex took place.
I tried to make plans a few times to see him again, but he always backed out at the last minute. I didn’t hear from him for about six months. When he called, we had a very long conversation. He apologized for the way he left things and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time but now he was. He asked me to come over to his house. We talked, listened to music, and got high. We went to his room and had sex. No BDSM was involved. The sex was great. He asked me to spend the night. Again, he just kind of fell off the map.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I didn’t hear from him again until a year later. Again, he said that he was ready for a relationship and had time to devote to it. However, I had to have an outpatient surgery. I mentioned that I couldn’t drive myself because an anesthetic was involved. He agreed to take me for my appointment. He brought me home but didn’t come in. I never heard from him afterward until we ran into each other at a party about 6-7 years later. We spent most of that night having a very nice talk but didn’t hook up for sex. He said he wanted to keep in touch. I emailed him once but never heard back from him again.
A part of me loved the time I spent with him and a part of me was disappointed that he’d check out. I’m not sure if he was using me for a hookup or if he really didn’t know what he wanted. He was always kind, thoughtful and respectful toward me when we talked and were together.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Never told anyone.
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat
Why do you regret this hookup? I should have never agreed to see him after things didn’t work out the first time.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? BDSM play and sex were off the charts awesome.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The on again-off again nature.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? If a guy can’t stick with it the first time, there’s no sense in going back to try again.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex isn’t for me. I prefer to have an emotional connection with my partner. It leads to better sex and overall happiness.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s interesting. I think it’s great to understand and appreciate how people think and feel about sex and relationships.
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