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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? District of Columbia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Hotel manager
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The firefighter

How long ago did this hookup happen? One month ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? No hookup

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? 5’9 black male. Very handsome brown skinned man with dimples. I met him through tinder. We chatted via email a couple of days and then it progressed to a couple of phone dates. We went on one date in person prior to the hookup. I felt like he was a sweet gentleman and very respectful.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Our first date went so well. I really enjoyed our conversation and getting to know him. We did plan the first date. I instigated the hookup when I invited him over my house that night. I just really wanted to see him and I felt a lot of sexual chemistry between us.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had our first kiss that night. I had been anxious all that day to kiss him. We watched movies for a couple of hours and drank wine. He invited me to come see the firehouse he worked at and hang out. I expressed why I was hesitant to do this. I knew in mind that it would lead to something else. I’ve never felt so safe and comfortable with a guy so fast. I decided to be spontaneous and go to the firehouse. I decided that whatever happens is okay. It will be a great experience either way. This is my first sexual experience after my first love which was amazing. We cuddled for a little while and it progressed to making out and then sex. There was very little foreplay. I don’t know why I thought it was the norm outside of a long term loving relationship. I was very turned on and vice versa. He stopped in the middle of bending me over because he knew I was hesitant to take that next step. He had a small penis. I was so disappointed. I know not every guy can be 8 inches or more but at his peak he felt about 5 inches. I didn’t really feel anything but I was still so attracted to him. Neither of us orgasmed that night.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We are still casually dating. I love getting to know him regardless. We have had sex a few times after the first hookup. However neither of us have orgasmed which makes me think we aren’t sexually compatible. He seems passive about sex and I am a passionate lover but I feel like I am too much for him to handle in that area. I think we moved to fast in the beginning. I really like him still despite the bedroom issues.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend. She was shocked but thought that I needed this experience after a long term relationship ended. She encourged to keep dating him and communicate more in the bedroom.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The new experience.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The size of his penis and the lack of an orgasm.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I dont see myself hooking up casually with anyone else. I think sex is more enjoyable when in a committed long term relationship.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think everyone should experience it at least once.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think its cool to hmspeak openly about these situations.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!