by E.

Gender: Female
Age: 24
Race/ethnicity: East Asian
Current location: Georgia, USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: aspiring paralegal
Relationship status: Single with multiple, ongoing, casual arrangements
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The First Time a Guy Went Down on Me

How long ago did this hookup happen? 5

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? one-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? B. was about 6′ with short, curly brown hair and small eyes that slanted nicely when he smiled. He was white, fairly muscular (but not bulky), and had a soft speaking voice. I’d never met him before prior to the night of the hookup and didn’t discover his age (32 at the time to my tender 19) until hours after he left my room.

It was the last, big party of the spring semester, and mostly consisted of upperclassmen along with members of the LGBTQ campus organization who had planned the whole thing. A friend had invited me, and I’d shown up alone. A few hours later and a couple of drinks in, I was dancing by myself and having a good time when I spotted him across the room. I had never believed in the existence of ‘chemistry at first sight’ until then. We glanced at each other several times before he came over and asked to dance with me.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We briskly progressed from dancing to making out on the couch in front of everybody (most of whom were too drunk to care.) One thing I immediately noticed was the gentleness of his touch–very unlike the rough fumbling boys my age attempted with their hands–and how he seemed to move slowly, as if to give me time to acclimate to him.

Before that moment, I had exactly 2 encounters with boys that never went past manual stimulation while the rest were brief making out sessions at various dances and cramped house parties. They always initiated, and I always accepted the advances despite never particularly enjoying any of them because I wanted the ‘experience points.’ I never let them go further though.

B. asked me if I wanted to ‘take this to my room’ and waited for an answer. For the first time, someone was letting me decide, and because I had the time to deliberate, I could mentally take a step back and examined what I actually wanted. And I actually wanted him, not for experience points or to parade him past my peers or to prove something to myself–I wanted him honestly, just him, because I liked the way he smiled and how he touched me and wanted him to touch me more.

I was also careful though and not a little controlling in how I handled my business (a character trait that has only evolved and crystallized over the years.) I told him that if we went back to my room, we would only do what I wanted to do, stopped when I wanted to stop, and I reserved the right to kick him out at any time. He nodded, grabbed my hand, and led us out the door. We did a bit of inconsequential chatting on the chilly walk to my dorm (Vermont in May was still quite cold.) Once we reached my room, I locked the door, played something low-key on my laptop, sat on the carpet, and watched him lean toward me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out for what seemed like a long time. He kept the same pace from earlier: slowly, almost teasing, like there was no rush, his fingertips tracing my skin from my neck to my breasts to my hipbones, raising a winding trail of goosebumps on each newly exposed swath of flesh. I was comfortable enough to strip to my underwear, but hesitated to keep going. B. murmured nonsense words to me, calmed my nerves, and had me lie back while he started to kiss a steady path from my ankles upwards.

He lingered on my calves, nuzzled my inner thighs, planted open-mouthed kisses on my belly, careful not to spook me too quickly or suddenly. He hovered over what my underwear was hiding for a while before mouthing me through the fabric, his hot breath right on my clit, and that’s when I finally let him slide the last bit of clothing off.

Even though it’s been 5 years since that night, certain details stand out so clearly, like how once he placed his lips over my clit and licked, I jerked at that first, extraordinary sensation of having someone go down on me: the heat, the wetness, the physical rush that comes from watching someone want you this much, and the utter shock that this was happening at all. I remember that Franz Ferdinand was playing on my iTunes. I remember that he told me I tasted very good. I remember grabbing onto his hair, my eyes squeezed shut.

Ultimately I didn’t come that first time, and we didn’t do anything else, but that was fine. There was more than enough to mull over and sift apart. B. stayed the night, his body heat making me sweat on the covers so I didn’t get much sleep. When the sun came up, he kissed my hips and asked if he could go down on me again. I moved us to the shower for that, where he slid to his knees, and I had the pleasure of watching him suck on the hood of my clit as the water drenched him. He watched me back.

When I saw B. off at the door, he kissed me one more time, and again, I was floored by the sheer tenderness of the gesture, of him. When he was just a pinprick of color in my vision, I shut the door (but in my way, opened another).

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Neither of us came, but I don’t think orgasms were the end-goal either of us had.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? There was no prior discussion. At the time, I was ignorant of orally transmitted STDs and thus did not think to ask. I knew that penetrative sex was not on the table so that particular set of risks was irrelevant.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? For that one night, I wanted him, and he wanted me. There wasn’t a single thought in my mind beyond that point.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We both had a few drinks so that at the time we met, we were tipsy. This definitely wore off as we were hooking up.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After he left, I used what little information he gave me about himself and got to internet-sleuthing. In no time at all, I found his Facebook page, which is when I found out how old he was, a factual tidbit that I never bothered to ask for (B. said he was a grad student, from which I assumed he was in his mid-late 20s.) After recovering from the initial surprise (and short-lasting dismay), I made my peace with the age difference. 1) I would never see him again anyway, and 2) that certainly explained his patient, partner-centric, bedside manner.

Although I’ve harbored many, many idle daydreams about reuniting with him again in some alternate universe to resume what we did before (and more), I know that time/geography/circumstance/the nature of our brief relationship will keep us apart indefinitely, and I’m alright with that. B. was a personal milestone in my sexual history. I can only wonder if he occasionally thinks of me too.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my closest friends about the whole thing, and they all reacted enthusiastically. They were happy that I had a good time and encouraged me to further explore the field of sexual experience.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? 100% consensual

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I have no regrets.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? B. showed me what sex and intimacy had the potential to be. He was a very important chapter in my life. Most of my female peers’ first experience with oral sex involves going down on a cis man and sucking his dick. Sometimes that was a good experience, oftentimes ambivalent or outright bad. I was extremely lucky to have my first true sexual encounter revolve around my wants, my needs, and my pleasure, which permanently shaped my expectations of all future partners thereafter.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I wish I could send him a message to thank him, but that would be strange.


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