What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? California, USA
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student/Intern/Barista
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Questioning, Open
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 11
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None!
The Foodie from Tinder
How long ago did this hookup happen? A month ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I first “met” H on Tinder. I was into it because he looked tall and strong, like he had big hands. He was a cis white guy a year or two older than I. He had light skin and blondish hair and a sweet smile, but in person he ended up being a lot rounder than I had expected. This didn’t end up being a problem, (I was still attracted to the thought of having sex with him) just a surprise/something to adjust to. I was excited to meet him because I was feeling horny and lonely and had just been dumped by a previous long-term hookup but unlike before previous meetings I’ve set up through Tinder, H didn’t pretend that he wasn’t just there for sex. Sure, he was nice and charming, but he was also pretty clear that he just wanted to get in my pants. This was new and I guess it was kind of hot but in some ways I didn’t like being treated so much like a piece of meat. Based on our mutual interests (we texted for a couple of weeks on and of and talked about that kind of stuff but often H would stop responding if I said “no I can’t come over tonight”), I thought we actually might have a lot to talk about but we didn’t do basically any talking.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He had been asking me to come over at like midnight for weeks, and I’d been hesitant and also the timing just wasn’t good for me – we were both in our hometown for summer (though we didn’t know each other before) and I didn’t want to explain to my parents why I was leaving at midnight or potentially run into his parents at his place. But eventually he asked me on a night where I was out anyways, so I went over to his place. There was some kinky planning involved in this hookup – I had just been working on a farm for the first part of summer, and he was studying agriculture in Vermont, so we were talking about how overalls with nothing underneath would be a good look (over text). When we agreed to meet that night, he told me I should wear my overalls with nothing underneath. I didn’t because I was already out and wearing normal clothes, but when I got to his house I saw that he had worn the uniform and I felt kind of bad for not doing it too. We sat on his porch and smoked two joints and talked for a while but then I could tell he wanted to do more and we started making out and he felt me up a bunch under my shirt (I never wear bras which he said was a nice surprise). I started giving him head but then he asked me if we could have sex right there and I was like hell no we are outside.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Because I didn’t want to have sex on his porch, we went inside and I opened a bottle of fancy wine, and we drank a bunch so I was feeling a little crossfaded. He said something about how we should turn the TV on so we wouldn’t have to talk about “how the sex was” afterwards. I thought this was weird and said so, but we moved on. Instead of turning the TV on he pulled me onto his lap on the couch and we made out a ton and he started fingering me and sucking on my nipples. By then I was just wearing my underwear and we moved to his bedroom he pushed me up against the wall and held me there as he took off my underwear and ate me out, then he asked me to give him head again and I did that for a minute. He was really big compared to me so he picked me up and put me on the bed and we made out more, then we both wanted to have sex so we started banging. We did like every position and he came, and afterwards he asked me if I came (I usually can’t through penetrative sex or at all), and I said no and so he ate me out and fingered me a bunch. I almost came but couldn’t, so we had sex again. It felt really intense and I couldn’t tell if I was about to come or if it hurt. Also we didn’t have another condom so we didn’t use one the second time (I am on the pill) after we asked each other if we are clear of STIs (I had literally just gotten checked the week before and he claimed he did too?). Eventually he came again and I was happy to stop but generally pretty satisfied and we were both really tired and sort of sweaty. We lay on his bed for a while until I got that I-just-had-sex-with-a-stranger-and-this-feels-too-intimate feeling and decided to leave. I drove home even though I was kind of cross faded.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I didn’t really feel anything. I wasn’t sure if I should try to contact him again. I sent him one snapchat and he didn’t respond so I didn’t try anything else and we haven’t talked since. I think he blocked me on Facebook and maybe lied to me about where he went to college. Obviously he was more uncomfortable with casual sex than I was. Confusing because I am pretty conventionally attractive and it was obvious that he enjoyed having sex with me.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A couple of my friends who knew where I was going (safety!). They were probably confused as to why I did it but they weren’t judgmental at all. I didn’t really tell them any of the details.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I felt a little used. Even if it’s fake, it’s nice to think someone might want something more than a one-night-stand.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? New positions I hadn’t tried before, him wanting to pleasure me also, him being dominant and rough.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Feeling used. That he didn’t look like I thought he would.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I felt sexier than usual while we were having sex. I know I like dom/rough sex more now.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Very mixed. I have had a lot of causal sex, some really great and some really bad. I often stop using condoms if we have sex more than once which is really dumb.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love it! Intellectually, emotionally, and physically stimulating if you know what I mean.
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