by Louisa

Gender: Female
Age: 32
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Location: Savannah, GA
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
Occupation: Artist
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What best describes your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

The lonely girl
The Guy at the Next Table

How long ago did this hookup happen? 13 years ago

How would you best classify this hookup? Rape

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was tall, dark, and handsome. Probably 8-10 years older than me. He was alone at a table near me at the bar and we started talking, flirting a little. He seemed kind of shy and nice.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My friend and I went with him to a couple bars. We were underage but he knew the bartenders and got us drinks. He asked if we wanted to watch a movie at his place. My friend said no, but I went. At his house, on the couch, he started rubbing my legs under my skirt, then fingering me. I told him to stop. I was really drunk, though, and couldn’t stand up to leave. He started kissing me and saying he’d take it slow. He said he couldn’t help it.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? At some point we wound up in his bed. I don’t really remember going in there. He got on top of me and pushed his penis inside me. I told him it hurt, but he said he couldn’t stop. I felt nauseous because I was so drunk. He kept telling me I was beautiful. I was really hurting and feeling sick. It was weird.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I thought he was cute. He was older and seemed so experienced. I wanted him to like me. And I didn’t want to make a big scene when he didn’t stop. I felt like I just needed to suck it up and be a big girl.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol. A lot — for me, anyway.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? When he was finished, he said we should shower. In the bathroom he said, “you got blood all over my dick.” I wasn’t on my period.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. I felt embarrassed and scared. My friend asked if we’d hooked up and I told her no.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Obviously he wanted it. I didn’t. I was too drunk to manage the situation.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes. I felt worthless afterward. When I told my boyfriend about it, he dumped me.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? There was nothing good about it.

The worst part was being powerless.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I wish I’d trusted myself. I wish I’d been smarter. I wish I hadn’t been so afraid.

What did you think about this story? Tell us in the comments – just be nice!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!