What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 17
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Ukraine
Highest education received: Not graduated from high-school
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
The Science Conference
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 weeks ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I won a national competition and I had an opportunity to go to the International science conference. The boy I hooked up with, let him be Sam, was a part of the Ukraine team. A day before our flight to Hungary, I met him for the first time. First of all I didn’t like him. Like he was OK, as a usual guy, nothing special. But he is a very smart person, doing a lot of scientific research in physics, also he is a professional hockey player, so he is in a very good shape, very strong, with broad shoulders and tall. Few times during the time we were in Hungary I looked at him and thought how hot he is, but I thought so about a lot of people, so he wasn’t special.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After we had presentations of our works, all the participants decided to make a big party, in every hotel room some groups of people had alcohol, music, and fun. I was in one room with my roommate, one boy from Ukraine, and Sam. We drank, but not a lot. Then I and Sam decided to go outside to buy cigarettes, we talked to each other, and then in the elevator, we just hugged each other and wanted to say something, but he closed my mouth with a finger and said “Shhh.” Then we came to my hotel room, everybody was chatting with each other, and we started to tell each other about our sexual experiences. I had only had oral sex before this. Afterward, Sam just hugged me and said, “Come to me,” and we started kissing.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Everything was so spontaneous. Of course, I thought that something like this could happen. I even took condoms from Ukraine with me, but I thought that since it was a science conference, with clever geeks, who don’t want to do everything except science. However, we started to kiss. I honestly wanted to have sex, so I was ready to do it. It was the first time for Sam too, so we both were not experienced in such a case. However, everything was very organic and fluent. We had a lot of poses, I sucked his dick, he did cunnilingus for me, everything was so long, maybe 2 hours. But it was great, I maybe had an orgasm, it is hard for me to understand exactly what it is, but I felt wonderful, it didn’t hurt to lose my virginity. And I was so loud. But I was drunk, so all my feelings were not as bright as they could be.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We just fell asleep, when I got up, Sam was already awake, he was sitting on the other bad with a very sad face. We decided to go to breakfast. He was somehow wary of me. So he started to quickly eat his meal. I said to him that we should forget it and all of this stuff, and he quickly left the restaurant and disappeared. In the evening, he talked to me like nothing happened, it was disgusting. I remember my feelings, I wanted to have sex with him one more time, and I was thinking about him all days after and still, I think how wonderful he is. Because he is a very kind, smart and interesting person. I tried to make conversation with him, but he didn’t want to. I can’t understand why.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Power / Dominance
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I called my best friend from Ukraine. She has had a lot of sex partners, so I thought that she would react positively, but she said that it was not OK and she didn’t expect such things from me. Maybe if there were only Sam, but there was this French guy.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? It was a wonderful experience, I had the opportunity to understand myself, hookup culture, get to know more about relationships, and sex.
But there was a lot of disadvantages. We had some issues with condoms, so I’m kind of nervous about pregnancy and illness. I also think that with sex, having love might make it better. There were no tender touches, no hand holding with Sam.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Experience in relationships as in sex
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Feelings
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? My first sex experience was 3 years ago and it was oral sex with my classmate. The story was the same, after this, we stopped talking to each other, it was much harder for me to forget that than now. I was crying about it every day for nearly one year. I didn’t have people with whom I could share this, so I was alone with all my feelings.
After that, I understood that hookups are not the best idea for me. But this time I decided that I am more emotionally strong and I will be good. Yes, I am good, compared to my feelings 3 years ago. But still, I am full of thoughts about it.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think that modern teenagers are scared of love, I know only 3 couples my age. I want people to be more emotional and don’t think that sex it is the same as taking a meal. And want me to be more emotional and don’t blame myself for it.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? 3 years ago, after my first oral sex experience, I thought that I am the only one in this world who does casual sex, especially at such an early age. So I googled in Ukrainian some stories about hookups, but it was hard to find them, and even when I found them there was plenty of blame comments, because of that I felt more depressed. So Casual Sex Project is great place were people could find support and understanding.
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