What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 54
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Geneva
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Housewife
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? About 30 to 35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? First one
The sensual lover
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? I answered a Craigslist casual encounter ad
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We had had a brief exchange ( haha) online. I find I get a surprisingly useful amount of info from a direct exchange of emails. I felt I trusted the guy enough to meet him for sex and he sounded really keen and when I had to postpone our initial date as I fell ill he was very kind and patient. I thought that was a good sign.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Well I suppose it began when he listed an ad and I replied to it. Then I was traveling for a bit so we had a week or so to exchange a few messages. We didn’t talk about anything other than planning our meeting and I sent him a few pics of my body that he liked and told me he was masturbating to etc during our email exchanges he did ask me to shave off all my pussy hair. I’d never done that before but I was happy to try. It was fun. I used that cream stuff to get rid of hair. It says on the tube not to put it on down there but it worked really well and the slight burning sensation it produced was fun. I counted on my husband not noticing and I was right. If he had noticed I would have told him it was an experiment which it was. He hold me where to meet and the time frame to respect as he is married too. Had no idea what he looked like before we met and I was a bit anxious in case he didn’t like the look of me but it was fine. He is a very lovely looking man and he made me feel really comfortable in his presence so we just fell on each other the moment the door shut behind us and we were alone.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was so fab! We met at 9.30 in the morning at his place as arranged. He is incredibly sensual and generous and adoring and made me feel so great. He spent hours using mainly his mouth lips and tongue and fingers everywhere to caress and explore every part of my body. Every time he took off a pice of clothing he was so sweet and complimentary about my body and he seemed so genuinely happy and excited to be able to explore and get so turned on together. Mouth neck ears breasts and tummy the back of my legs behind my knees and he spent probably an hour licking my pussy and I probably had about 5 orgasms. He just kept going. he didn’t say a word. He held me my hands down so I couldn’t do anything to help. I was in a trance and enjoying every moment! I can’t generalize from my experience and say he is a good lover per se as people like different things but for me and for him it seems it was really great. I loved the feeling of being stroked and caressed and totally being the center of attention. Normally I love to talk to people but somehow the absence of conversation was ok and added to the dreaminess and abandon of the experience. I totally let go and had no intellectual stuff going on at all.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We had agreed an end time as we are both married and want to be discreet etc as do not want to hurt parter etc. so it was time to go and I came out of my trance got dressed and left I felt so wonderful. I was relaxed and I felt very lucky. I haven’t had a truly dreadful hookup experience but I felt this one was really special. I always write a little thank you note or something. He texted back telling me what a wonderful time he had and how he was longing to see me again as soon and possible and could I go back tomorrow. I couldn’t as I had a date with another lover but we have seen each other several times since. It’s lovely.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, To feel more desirable, To cheer myself up
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I have a kinky lover that I met through a hook up and we have become great friends. I suppose we are fuck buddies now. As we have great sex together and he helps me explore and experiment and we really like each other. I told him. He loved it
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Being made to feel so turned on and aroused and having all those orgasms and making him happy
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It’s always a bit sad when I am having a great time with someone as I miss the connection and great sex I used to have with my husband
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? With this hook up I think I found an important thing I need and I have stopped looking about for the time being. I really love the hours of gentle attention, being caressed and stroked and kissed and licked and rubbed and brought to climax in the hands of someone who really loves what he does and the way I respond to his touch. The sex is developing a bit. He held me down quite strongly last time and refused to stop his licking and sucking of my pussy even though I was half dead from so many orgasms. I find it soooooo lovely though that he keeps on going as I have had difficulty in the past with reaching a climax especially if I feel people are in a hurry! The fact that he’s obviously not in a hurry and that he wants to do all the ‘work’ himself and then go on after the first orgasm for more I just love. My husband used to do that about 20 years ago but sadly he doesn’t anymore. So this hook up hasn’t really changed the way I feel about casual sex overall but I find this sexual connection really satisfying so I’m not looking for anything else for now ( plus I have other regular lovers )
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I used to think that my age (I’m now 54) would be a barrier and younger men wouldn’t be interested. Turns out this is not the case. At all. They either like it or don’t seem to care. That’s been great as inside I don’t feel my age! It makes you wonder where this Age-ist stereotyping comes from. Also I think it may be a characteristic of the people I’ve met on hookups that they are fairly relaxed nonjudgmental and open minded generally
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I like the way that in places like Craigslist you can find people to meet that sort of fit what you feel like at the time. I have really made great friends with people via casual hookups and via the Internet as I have found a group of people like me. We are sort of loners but also missing sex. Many of my lovers are married like me and this type of straightforward exchange of sex and intimacy is great therapy. For various reasons it’s missing from our marriages and that has made me very sad but satisfying casual encounters are a great way for me to get over that sadness. I have tried to talk to my husband about my secret life as I have felt disloyal at times. He has told me he doesn’t want to know but he won’t stop me as he doesn’t own me and I must do what I have to do. I think part of the fun of casual sex is that it feels a little naughty so if all of a sudden it was totally normal and In the open I think I’d miss that little fun secret aspect. I also like the way that people can define for themselves what casual sex is while it is hidden from social control ( by ad agencies etc). It’s liberating in many ways.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Very interesting
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