What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Manchester, UK
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? University Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? N/A
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The Tinder Match
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 Months ago till now
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is a young fresh looking white guy from North England, who is one year older than me.
We met on Tinder and after a short conversation he asked my address and showed very enthusiastic intention to meet up. Also, he was quite straightforward to show that he wanted sex. In the end, we agreed to have a night out together with both of our friends and have pre drinks at his house.
After some conversations on Tinder and Snapchat before we officially met in person, I felt that he was only interested in meeting me for sex as he is not quite responsive for any other types of messages. Also, even if he initiated some other topics to begin a conversation, it always leads to ‘Can we meet up today’.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Before we met each other, his friend asked me using his account ‘How good are you at head’ (I didn’t know it was not him). I felt uncomfortable being asked this question but still responded with a vague answer. He apologized for asking this rude question and explained it was not him, but then he showed interest and asked for oral sex at predrinks so that he can judge how good I am. I did not give a firm consent to the plan.
Things didn’t go as planned, we ended up having pre drinks at my place as my female friends were concerned about safety issues. As a result, we did not hook up before clubbing, but kisses were involved at the pre drink.
After clubbing, I went to his house and we had oral sex only because I wasn’t sure if he can be trusted and if I can take it (I still have painful sex due to some problems with the shape of my hymen, which I will need to get a surgery).
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He guided me straight into his bedroom and started to kiss me and lay me down on his bed. I told him at that point that I don’t have sex with him and he had no problem with that. Then he turned me over on top, took off his clothes, and guided my hand to his underwear. I gave him a blowjob first and then we just took turns.
I felt good during the first hookup, I did not manage to have an orgasm but it was still pleasurable.
He was the one who takes control of the rhythm and everything, but he did not force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, he’s totally up for whatever I want to do. He was dominant during the hookup, but he was cute and somewhat playful after that. For example, he slept on my shoulder, kissed my wrist, tapped my nose and called me cute.
After that we chatted for an hour about random topics, though there are some personal topics included (like the no. of people we’ve slept with – he asked me that), the chat is mainly impersonal, such as my home country China, politics, religions, and career goals. He said he’s going travelling with friends the next day and has an early train so he can’t have me staying over. But he suggested that when he comes back, we should meet again in that week and go out together on weekends.
In the end, he walked me home, gave me a peck on the lips and said nice meeting me.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt pleased and happy the next day and very looking forward to seeing him again. By that time, I was not expecting anything serious as I know he wasn’t either and we seem too different to be a good couple.
After the first hookup, almost each week we would see each other once until now. Sometimes he calls me, other times I do. All of them are late night booty calls. We don’t message each other unless we want to hook up. The quality of hookups got better and better each time as we were more familar with each other’s body and likes. There are more positions ( such as 69) and fun things involved. However, there were no actual sexual intercourse (only oral and rubbing) and staying over involved. During hookups, we don’t really talk, but we normally chat for a bit after we finish.
I was totally fine with hookup only until a month later I found that I might have caught feelings for him. I caught myself thinking about him a lot and wanting to know him more, and the fact that he did not message me when we don’t meet made me upset.
So I talked to him seriously about how I felt about him. He responded that he still doesn’t want a relationship as he is still not fully over with his past 4-year relationship that ended badly. He said that he does not want to upset me if I have feelings whilst he doesn’t want anything serious, so he let me decide either I want to continue with this or not.
I expected his answer but I really like hooking up with him, also after having a long talk with my friends, I realized that my feelings for him might not be ‘real’ considering I don’t know him well, so I suggested that we still keep on hooking up but I would not ask for anything more than that and he agreed.
We did not see each other for 2 weeks after the talk, but just 2 days ago he asked to hookup again. I consented and we had sex for the first time. It was still painful for me but surprisingly, probably the most pleasurable sexual experience I’ve ever had.
After the 2-week cool down and self-adjustment (under my friend’s suggestions, I kept myself very busy – I practised the piano and dancing, went to the gym and studied a lot), I found that my feelings for him have pretty much already gone away. Now I feel that I am at the same position as he is. Even though the last sex was amazing, I felt that I no longer expect anything more than hooking up and I am more capable of controlling my emotions in a casual relationship.
P.S. He is my first stable casual hookup buddy. I was in a relationship before, after breaking up, I had an one-night stand with someone before but we didn’t see each other ever again.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Learning new things, experimenting, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Most of my closest friends around me. All of my friends from the Europe and America (British, Spanish, and Mexican) do not have any problem with it, some of whom were present when I met the guy for the first time, and they kind of encouraged me to hook up for fun as they are doing the same.
Most of my Chinese friends (peers) were surprised of what I’ve done but they did not judge me either. They think it is fine as long as it’s done safely and the person is not a bad guy.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Pleasure, fun, more experieces & skills acquired, also talking to a stranger could be interesting (as long as the topics are light and no personal experiences involved) and new friends (his mates are now my friends)
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Getting emotionally attached. Girls are easier to fall for someone by just hooking up, especially if that guy is attractive to you.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I was not the kind of person who’d easily fall for guys, so I’ve always thought that I csn manage to seperate sex and feelings. But after this experience I found it might not be true.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Still the guy’s behaviour towards me can be confusing sometimes. He could look like that he’s in love with me when we meet, but he never contact me when we’re don’t meet. I know that he just wants sex, but these gestures that showed affection were reslly just not necessary if we’re just hooking up.
Also he refuses to connect with me on any other social media (specifically facebook and instagram) except for snapchat and texting. I don’t get why, because even his best friends and I were connecting on facebook.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Personally I don’t think there are any problems with casual sex as long as it’s not misconduct (outside relationship/ marriage if it’s not a consented open relationship) and it’s done safely. Instead I think it’s a good way to gain pleasure, fun and even studying sexual skills. But it’s worth noting that it’s not for everyone because some people tend to catch feelings easily and get hurt from it.
Even though I would say it’s adv outweigh dis in my case, for where I’m living now (England), however, I think too many kids do not recognize the value of a committed long term relationship just because they like casual sex. They tend to think that these two things are conflicted and they tend to think casual sex is a ‘cool’ thing to do.
Also, many people don’t communicate properly about what they want/ expect with their partners, as they don’t think that casual relationship is a relationship, causing many people getting stuck emotionally in a casual relationship.
I think younger kids need to be educated with more comprehensive views on commitments and people need to learn to express their expectations more straight forward in a casual hookup.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s amazing! Please keep on doing it.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!