What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Miami
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Professional Musician
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 25+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The World’s Worst Tinder Date
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4-5 months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was a very attractive black girl that I had connected with via Tinder just a few days before the date. I was unsure how I felt when I initially asked her out.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup began at my house. We had gone to get drinks at a nearby bar, and it didn’t seem to be going too well. I asked if she wanted to come back to my place and to my surprise, she said yes. We were in my room and she seemed pretty jittery and definitely a little buzzed (as was I). I asked her if she was ok and if she felt uncomfortable, and she asserted that she was fine. I initially instigated the hook up by kissing her.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed for a while, and then I started to finger her. She told me multiple times that I was “doing it wrong” and tried to give me direction. I did my best, but to no avail, as she eventually told me she would just do it herself. She was giving me a handjob with her other hand while doing this. After a minute, she said putting on some lesbian porn would likely help her get in the mood. I went to do that, only for her to tell me that it wasn’t the “right kind” of lesbian porn, so she picked some out herself. She continued to masturbate, and I eventually asked if she was interested in having sex or not. She said she was, but that she wanted to finish first. I left the room for a second, feeling very confused, frustrated and self-conscious. When I returned, she had finished and was laying in my bed. I got in the bed and tried to kiss her, only for her to say she needed “rest for a minute.” I waited maybe 5 or 10 minutes until I told her that she needed to go home. With this, she sat upright and said, “No, no, no, I’ll have sex with you!” This takes the cake for the worst sentence ever said to me in my life. I told her that she absolutely would NOT be having sex with me and that she needed to put her clothes on so that I could take her home. She seemed very confused by this, and I explained to her that if she wanted to masturbate to lesbian porn and then fall asleep, she could have very easily done that at home. I then drove her home and haven’t spoken to her since…and I deleted my Tinder account.
Sidenote: At the time, I had an old (and pretty shitty) acoustic guitar sitting in my room. I never really played it, and it technically wasn’t even mine, but when she first came in she noticed it right away. I stupidly said that she could probably just have it if she wanted, given that I never used it. After I told her she needed to leave, she asked if she could still have it, to which I responded, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She was dead serious and then started going off about how I was only going to give it to her if she fucked me and that that was really fucked up. While I realized that this was absurd, I eventually caved and gave her the guitar.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt absolutely horrible about it. I called a few of my friends to explain this to them and to see if they thought she was as insane as I did. One of these friends actually knew her, strangely enough, and corroborated that she was a total nut. I haven’t seen her since and hope I never do!
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s)
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Several of my friends. They all felt bad for me, and several of them found it pretty funny.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? …Read the description.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Nothing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Having a stranger insult my ability to finger her and then proceeding to finger herself while watching lesbian porn and then falling asleep in my bed.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not necessarily…I think this was a particularly negative outlier.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex can be fun and rewarding. It is unfortunate that it is so heavily stigmatized, but there are definitely some instances in which it goes horribly wrong (Exhibit A, right here). I also wish it were not so heavily stigmatized for women. I’ve never been of the belief that a woman who “sleeps around” is a “slut” or must have low self-esteem. Women who have casual sex do so for the same reasons many men do, I imagine, so it’s incredibly unfair to chastise women for it while we praise men that do it.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s awesome!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!