What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Research Manager
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 19
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Some Things Are Not What They Seem
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s tall and slender with light brown hair and blue eyes. We met at a house party; I believe it was St. Patrick’s Day. It was hosted by one of his friends and a friend of my coworkers’ at the time. I was invited by my coworkers because they knew I was dating someone casually, who had “ghosted” me unexpectedly, and they wanted me to have a good time. I didn’t expect to hookup with someone that night, but I met this guy and thought he was incredibly attractive.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We chatted and danced at this house party for a bit. I think we both knew that we were going to hookup that night. Before we left the party, we started making out in one of the bedrooms and he asked me if I wanted to come over. I agreed and we took a cab back to his place.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was short and it hurt. We had vaginal intercourse and he was on top of me the whole time. After he had an orgasm, he admitted that he came too quickly and then started to drink some water. We just went to bed after that. I woke up early and tried to initiate another round of sex, but he was too tired, so I started to get ready to leave. He asked me for my number, I gave it to him, and I left his place.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? At the time, I thought it was the least satisfying sex I’ve had. I didn’t really have any expectations for the future with this person – possibly that we would hookup again (we did) because we had mutual connections. Since our first hookup, we’ve stayed in touch, hooked up, grown closer in emotional intimacy, tried working out a more serious relationship (mostly from my part), and grown apart. I have so much love for this person, but I am confused by him and resent how he has treated me. He doesn’t know what he wants – just that he enjoys physical and emotional intimacy.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My coworkers, who were friends with him. They wondered if we had breakfast together.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat
Why do you regret this hookup? I think it was the catalyst for starting a complicated relationship with this person.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I met someone who, I think, really cares about me.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I didn’t enjoy it and I have never had an orgasm with this person.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think I’m used to having casual sex. It’s almost expect to have sex after first meeting someone. When that doesn’t happen, I question my attractiveness toward that person. Generally, I don’t have an orgasm when having sex with someone for the first time, so hookups are not ideal when I want to enjoy myself. But, I’ve had a few experience where I had a deep connection with someone I just met and being physically close with that person is memorable, even if we will never see each other again. I think casual sex has its purpose as an outlet for feeling good and feeling good about oneself. I think the issue that I have with it is that I think people, on a deeper level, want intimacy – they want to be physically and emotionally close to someone, but casual sex undermines the integrity of intimacy.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I don’t think society allows room for honestly talking about sex. I think it’s a disservice for us when we don’t have a platform to safely share our experiences, learn from them, and learn from the experiences of others. The Casual Sex Project is a platform to help us do this together.
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