by Anna

Gender: Female
Age: 32
Race/ethnicity: White
Current location: Switzerland
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Research assistant
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

This Was Waste!

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 month ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? One-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? It was a guy from cote d’ivoire. He was quite good looking. I did not know him at all as I met him on the street. We spent about one hour before we went to him. When I met him, I was kind of attracted and curious.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? How it began was kind of strange: I went to Paris for one week-end. I was looking for new sexual experiences after a longterm relationship that came to an end one year ago. Just to have a try, I answered an ad that was posted on craigslist Paris. The guy was nice and good looking; we exchanged some mails and messages during the day and then met in Paris at the evening. When I fist saw him, I was kind of disappointed. He looked different, and it was clear from the beginning that nothing would happen. I am sure he felt the same. However, we spent some time together, having a drink and walking around, but after two hours or so, we said goodbye and he went home. Although it was about midnight I was not tired and decided to go for another walk to montmarte – I used to enjoy just walking around in foreign cities and had nothing special in mind. When I arrived at montmarte there was this guy. He asked me if I could take a picture and we started to talk. It was nice to meet him and I am always interested in getting in touch with locals. He told me about his experiences in Paris as a guy from Africa and it was interesting. I can not say that I was attracted by him, he was nice, but did not fascinate me. When we sat down for a moment, he started to kiss me. I had mixed feelings: it was kind of exciting, but not marvelous. After a time, he asked me if I would come to his place. I was hesitating, but then agreed. I do not know why I did so. But I guess it was because I came to Paris with the intention to spent my night in Paris with someone. As the craigslist-date failed, I took the second chance.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When I arrived at his place, I was kind of shocked. It was so small, and poor, and there was a bad smell in the tiny room. I instantly wanted to go, that I told him. I don’t know why I stayed. Maybe because he was looking so sad. However, I thought about giving a try. 
As you can imagine, the sex was very poor. I was neither attracted nor involved. He had a very small cock, which should not be a problem if you like each other and have skills to compensate, but this was not the case. He ate my pussy which was quite okay and definitely the best part. I gave him some head as well. We had vaginal sex and I nearly felt nothing. He came very quickly. He wanted to continue and said he could continue the whole night but I wanted to go home. He proposed to accompany me but I wanted to be by my own. I did not give him my phone number. I went home on my own, crossing the whole quartier chateau rouge at 4 o clock in the morning.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? No. I had some good moments when I received oral, but no orgasm. He had one.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We used a condom for vaginal sex.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? This is a question I am still trying to answer. After ten years of relationships I generally feel that I might have new sexual experiences. This is the basic reason. In this case, I agreed to come with him because I felt kind of disappointed about the first date, I wanted to what I intended to do, I was kind of attracted to him as he had beautiful dark skin, I felt a strange feeling of pity for him – a mix of reasons, but from a distant point of view, I would say not enough for having sex.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? I had two drinks during the whole evening and was not drunk at all. I don’t know if or what he drunk but he seemed to be sober.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup I felt bad. I felt that it was the wrong decision to come with him and that I should have known it better. I felt that I definitely have to be far more selective in the future. I felt like this was the worst sex in my life and I did not know that something like this was possible. I started to miss my husband and felt that I don’t want this new sexual freedom…
I have no expectations for the future. I even did not want to give him my number. I even forgot his name.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked about the hookup with two or three friends of mine. I met one of them the day after the hookup and gave her more details. She was kind of shocked about the conditions and told me that I should not “sell myself under value”. Although I shared her opinion that this hookup was a mistake or at least completely needless, I did not like her idea of “selling under value”. I said that this implies an ancient patriarchal thinking about female sexuality.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, it was consensual.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes, I kind of regret. I had barely fun during the hookup and felt bad after it. On the other hand, I learned new things about me, my sexuality and life in general. So I can live with it. I had another hookup later on and this experience had no influence on my sexual behavior.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was when he ate me. But it was not good enough to compensate the rest!
The worst thing was when I realized that he already came after some minutes. At this moment, it was clear: There will be no miracle. This will be no satisfying sexual experience!

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I guess that this hookup has not been a good experience for him as well. I was not glad with the sex and I kind of showed him. When he asked me if I like what he does I answered very straightforwardly. I left him quickly and rejected to stay in contact. If a person behaved that way while or after having sex with me I would feel offended and it would harm my self-confidence. I don’t know if men are different here, especially when there are no feelings at all involved. But kind of regret my behavior – this was not as respectful as it should be. Sorry for that! Next time, I’ll just say no if there is not enough attraction or sympathy.

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