What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 36
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Photographer
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (open)
Religious affiliation: Buddhist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Tinder in Taiwan
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I was living in Taiwan for a few months with my wife and daughter. I really wanted to make some local friends and get to know the culture, so I got on the apps. She messaged me and we chatted a bit. Although I am not shy, I do appreciate a woman who is assertive about what she wants. I was also pretty disoriented by the language barrier and it was a relief that her English was quite good. We met up and had a pleasant dinner in the night market, then went up to my rooftop. She was slender and elegant and had a slightly aloof poise that I learned to recognize among many Taiwanese women. At first I was more curious than lustful. She had an easy way of making casual contact as we walked side by side and seemed completely indifferent to the attention we attracted as a mixed couple in a city with few foreigners. She was much smaller than me, which was unfamiliar, but she had a confident presence and didn’t shrink when embraced. I could tell there was mutual attraction, but the open relationship thing was unfamiliar territory for her. We made out a little and then I walked her to the metro. She lived on a mountain on the edge of town and she sent me a picture of the stairs going way up and said ‘you can come next time.’ That got me pretty excited.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? A few days later I went out to her district and met her at the metro stop. She was dressed elegantly, sexy but austere. She showed me around the night market and taught me the Chinese names of different foods. We ate fried chicken at a roadside stand, talking very little. I was high from anticipation and also from the euphoric dislocation of a setting where I understand nothing and just take in the sensations. I watched her across the table.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? She led me up the mountain to her house where she lived with her cats. We settled on the couch and chatted about Taiwan and America. I pushed her hair aside and nibbled her ear and neck and very soon she was on my lap and pulling her shirt off. I carried her into the bedroom, which was just a mattress on the floor with grey satin sheets. We both stripped down and I laid her flat and just looked at her for a minute. She was completely hairless. She occupied her body with a receptive sensuality. We immediately had the kind of comfort in each other’s bodies that is so relaxing yet stimulating. I had my fingers inside her and I knew it was going to be a tight fit. I put on a condom and slowly eased myself in. She made some pained sounds but also pulled me closer toward her. We were both in that dissociated place from the sensations and moving automatically. After a while we both shuddered and held still. She got up to take a shower and I got dressed. Physically, it was novel for me, just pleasant and easy and different than my previous experiences. I really appreciated her open mind and comfort with her own body. She had previously been in a sexless relationship and expressed how important sex is for feeling healthy and balanced. I agreed. I think I left her with a positive impression about open relationships.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I took the metro home and told my wife the story. She was happy for me and was glad that we now had a local friend. My date messaged me to say I had made her feel very good and I could have more than one night. She had a charmingly direct way with English. We hooked up a few more times and she ended up helping me a lot with my Chinese. Then she got busy with the lunar new year holiday and I left Taiwan. We are still in touch and I’m certain it’s a fond memory for both of us.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Sterilization
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Making new friends, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I only told my wife. She was a little envious, not jealous. She wants me to be healthy and happy and sex is part of that.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It felt good and it allowed me to make a friend from another culture.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing about it was bad.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It gave me more confidence about navigating desire and consent when there is a language/culture barrier. I had never done that before.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is an essential part of my self-care and care-for-others. It keeps the mind and physical body healthy and it is an opportunity to celebrate beautiful impermanence.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s hot, I read it often for its arousing properties and for a sense of validation.
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