Unsure

 

by Elle

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 37
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? Africa
What country and/or city do you live in? Zambia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? I love men
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Unsure

How long ago did this hookup happen? A day ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s a nice guy. Not entirely my type but he fits for me. Hardworking, generous, loving, a bit rough on the edges but overall a good soul. I knew him pretty well I guess, we met outside my house.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We hooked up at my house, after a chill night at one of our other friend’s place. He called me to chill out and talk. He came to pick me up, and it just happened. He instigated it.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out, a lot and then we had sex. He really liked my boobs and waist and he was an extremely good lover. I felt like it was okay when it wasn’t and my partner doesn’t know about it. We talked about everything afterward, it was very emotional.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt a sense of aloneness because I couldn’t call or text him because his partner is always in his space. I have no expectations because of both of our situations. Yes, I do have hopes for a future because we get along nicely. He’s a lovely guy, but he’s my boyfriend’s good friend. Now I feel even more attracted to him.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I haven’t talked to anyone about it. Ever.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? Because a part of me feels like it was just a hook up to him. And I’m trying not to love him.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He’s my friend. It was easy.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The fact that he won’t leave her for me.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Definitely!

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? He is a great kisser and lover

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex isn’t very good because one persons feelings will ALWAYS get hurt

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It allows you to express how you feel about a situation so, well and good.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!