What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Amsterdam
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Psychology
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Open
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? About 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Upside Down, Boy You Turn Me
How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was an employee at my new job. The first time I noticed him was when he gave the new people a training speech. He had me answer a question I did not know the answer to. He wasn’t particularly handsome, but he wasn’t bad at all. Short dark hair, short beard, huge eyes, and funny lips. And boy, does that Australian accent rock my world.
He was good friends with my trainer. All I ever hear them talk about was girls. It seemed he hung out a lot with different girls. I never thought I’d be attracted to him. He didn’t seem to care much about these females.
On my first day, he had asked my trainer to switch trainees for the last part of the afternoon. I didn’t think much of it, I thought he just wanted to see how I did on the job. He did ask me if I have a boyfriend, but all my new coworkers had asked me that, and he was staring at his phone the whole time. He was really happy with me that day, because he had made two sales in a short period of time and blamed his success on me being there.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? This hookup was to me the most unexpected one I have ever experienced, and I have been part of some very unexpected hookups. In hindsight, it was unbelievably obvious.
On my first day, he drove me and some other coworkers home. I was the last one left. He asked me to text him how I thought my day went and think of things that went well and that didn’t, which I thought was just something everyone had to do. His answer was something like: ‘That’s great hun, see you tomorrow.’
It was weekend. My first day at work had been the Wednesday prior to that. On Friday there was an office party because he had made some kind of promotion. I came around 9, which was apparently really late. When he saw me he said: ‘Now that’s a friendly face I like to see!’ I thought he was just being nice. He had gotten fruit loops as a present. I’d only ever seen them on American tv shows. Surprised I had never seen them, he fed me some (after a couple of drinks this felt completely normal). A girl asked if we were on the same team. I had no idea, but he said yes. We went to a bar and he bought me and some other girls a beer. He was talking to some of the girls, but not me, and after he had finished his beer, he left.
The next evening he and some other guy from the office celebrated their birthday at a bar. I promised I’d come, but I had a birthday of a housemate of mine as well, who wanted to go to a different bar. I figured I could go first my housemate’s bar and afterward to my coworkers’ bar. It had already gotten really late, and I was never able to get used to the lockout rules in Sydney. I texted my trainer, but he had told me earlier his phone was probably dead. So I texted him also, asking if I could still get into the bar they were at. He said that I should just come and if they wouldn’t let me in he would go outside and smoke a joint with me. Immediately when I arrived the guard told me the bar was closed. So he came out. He told me to meet him on the other side of the street because it had to be a secret. I thought he just didn’t want his work to know he smoked weed. Apparently, he didn’t have it with him so we walked to his apartment. When we got to his street he took my hand and pulled me towards him, so he could kiss me. It was actually rather cute, but in the back of my head where all the other girls he had talked about. We got to his apartment and showed me his weed. Right away he asked me if I wanted a shirt to sleep in. I was stunned. I didn’t even know yet how I felt about him, let alone if I wanted to sleep with him. A little overwhelmed but kind of impressed by his directness I said yes. I took off my clothes and got into his shirt. We started kissing and he took it off again. We never even had that joint.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The sex wasn’t that groundbreaking. He went down on me first, then I went down on him. After I was done I sat on top of him. This is the most satisfying position for me. Then he put me in doggy style position, thrust me hard and came. After this he still wanted me to come and told me to play with myself and moan. This made me feel a little uncomfortable because I was not used to making a lot of sounds. I do now though, he made me find my inner moan. I pretended to come and we hugged and fell asleep.
After this first time, we hooked up a couple of times more, without having been drinking all night. He wanted to know what I liked and that’s what he would do. We never did any kinky stuff, but this was already very satisfying for me.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning he asked me if I wouldn’t tell anyone. He said that he would get fired if someone found out. I didn’t understand why, and he said that he wasn’t allowed to hook up with girls from his team. Apparently, he was the team manager. I had no idea. Despite this, I still thought the main reason for keeping it secret was because of the other girls.
I felt weird. A little ashamed about how easy I had gotten into his bed and how annoying that I agreed to keep it a secret. Yet, I had a good time with him.
I didn’t think I had any kind of future with him nor that it would happen again. I thought I was just another girl he had slept with.
We did end up seeing each other more. Mostly on his terms. He wouldn’t even answer most of my texts, but when he texted me I came over. I hated myself for that.
After leaving Sydney he still contacts me sometimes. Which I think is weird. I can’t give him the only thing he wanted from me back in Sydney. However, he only texts about sex and he asks me a lot for naked pictures. Which I agreed to more than I would ever admit to. Also, I hate myself for that. I still like him anyway. Even though he is on the other side of the world.
I am ashamed of how many times he made me swallow my pride, but I don’t regret it. He made me feel good. And somehow I felt like I had a little power over him. He clearly dominated me, however, I could and maybe still can ruin his career, which is how whole life.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my friends who had nothing to do with that job. If he has not told anyone, at the office it is still a secret.
My friends thought it was funny at first. When he only texted me on his terms, they started to be disapproving. I don’t blame them. Had they been involved in a similar kind of hoop up I probably wouldn’t have approved either.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His Australian accent. No, I think it were the cuddles. When he spooned me I felt this feeling of happiness I had never felt before.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Him ignoring me. He has used the excuse of problems with his phone twice. I knew it was bullshit, but I just went along with it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It has made me feel more free while having sex. I no longer hold back with anything and I put my own pleasure first.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I hope I did not make him sound like a bad guy. When I was with him he was really nice to me. He says he misses me too, lots and lots. I kind of miss him as well. We even video chatted once, that was fun.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think as long as it is with mutual consent, everyone should have sex however, whenever, and with whoever they want. Sex is fun!
It disappoints me sometimes how female promiscuity is looked down upon more than male’s. I am a female and I don’t care with how many guys I have slept with or will in the future. It doesn’t define me.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love it! I am very open about sex and I really like it when others are too. I am very interested in the results of the study.
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