What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Toronto
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Event coordinator
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 18
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Attractive man in finance; worked on Bay Street.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Met at a few drink/dinner places over a few weeks. He really was attracted to me but revealed that he had two kids and was not “yet” divorced. I then hesitated but he persisted and I fell for his act.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started fooling around on his kid’s bed, which I’m still so disgusted that I participated in.
We then went to his bed and it happened there.
The second time we did it at my apartment. I felt disgusting at this point- like a gross whore that some guy who was having a midlife crisis was fucking.
I still feel gross from this experience hence why I’m sharing it.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He had a shower and rushed off to work.
Pretended that he’d see me again which he did not.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my friends me they didn’t like him- didn’t trust him.
I also spoke to my therapist and she thought I had to take care of myself after this.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I was used and tricked. As a result, I fear for my health but I don’t trust many people.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Letting go of my judgments about dating parents of children and making a concession to accommodate someone.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Being fucked senselessly in the morning without a condom and him leaving so fast after. I felt dirty and still feel dirty.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I no longer have casual sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? People need to have more respect for their bodies and themselves. I am convinced that this level of respect can only be established where you know the person well over a longer period of time.
Yes, our bodies are instruments from which we can derive pleasure but at what cost (physical, psychological, emotional) are we willing to compromise for this freedom? I’m not saying that monogamy is the solution but I’m not convinced hooking up will provide unprecedented liberation.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Very interesting. I do think that it’s something that requires more attention and how this behavior will impact our future. I am considering doing my Ph.D. research in this field.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!