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What’s your gender? Genderqueer / Nonbinary
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Nonbinary, Grey-romantic
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Very Positive and Consensual Tinder Hookup

How long ago did this hookup happen? A month ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him on Tinder. He listed in his bio that he is nonbinary and uses he/him and they/them pronouns. (I’m going to stick with he/him pronouns for clarity/consistency in the story.) This made me feel comfortable, as I am also gender nonconforming and use they/them pronouns. We both stated that we were looking for something casual. He mentioned that he was polyamorous and lives with his two partners. I do not know this early in life if I am monogamous or not, but I support polyamory; what mattered to me is that he wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship.
We hit it off immediately; we talked on Tinder and eventually moved to Tumblr and Snapchat. We shared our favorite smutty webcomics, and he shared his porn blog. Despite this, we didn’t mention desires to do anything sexual with each other. A few days after initially contacting, we set a time to meet at a casual diner. He asked me on Snapchat if I liked kissing. I replied that I do with friends as long as it’s not in public, and he agreed. I was flattered by his forwardness and comforted that he asked for consent before we had even met.
He is tall with short brown hair, a nose piercing, and a cute face. He dresses androgynously, which is very attractive to me. When I first met him, he was wearing a sweater and little shorts with maroon leggings underneath.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Before I left to meet him, I told my friend that I would be meeting someone new and would keep them updated through the night on my whereabouts and general check-ins. We met at the diner at 6 pm and paid for our own meals. He was very friendly, funny, a bit quirky, and made great conversation. Afterward, we walked across the street to a cool local donut shop.
I don’t know why exactly, but I felt like I kept shutting him down, keeping a calm composure and not engaging in conversation as much as he was. It may have been the newness of going on my first date or nerves. He touched my hand and I drew it away. I felt bad for doing this but wasn’t sure why I was compelled to draw away from him even though I felt safe around him.
Nonetheless, I still wanted to hook up with him, or at least cuddle. He was kind, cute, seemed to be attracted to me, and I was horny. He told me that he has two cats and invited me over to his apartment. I knew it wasn’t a good decision to go in someone’s car on the first date, but I felt safe around him and decided to just go for it.
We walked back to his car. I told him I wanted to take a picture of his license plate to send to my friend for safety, and he was enthusiastic to let me and gave me his address right away. I was getting excited to go back and spend some time with him.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end?  Once we got to his apartment, we played with his cats and then went back to his room. We talked and cuddled, and then asked if he could kiss me, to which I smiled and said yes. We did that for a while. Making out was nice, but it was a bit silly because he made these little puckering-like noises after every small kiss. I still liked it for the closeness and physical affection.
I felt so incredibly safe around him. Before moving on to something else, he asked for consent and continued to ask how I was doing even after I gave consent for an act. We took off our clothes. He kissed my lips, moving down my body. He sucked my nipples and moved down between my legs. He ate me out, and it felt amazing how he moved his tongue between the lips of my vulva and opened his eyes to look up at me enjoying myself. He fingered me simultaneously; I was so happy. After some time, I told him that was good for now; even though I didn’t orgasm, I felt too sensitive by the end of it. I was okay with this since I value the entire experience with my partner more than orgasming. I thanked him for that.
He then put on a condom and climbed over me. I guided him slowly to my entrance, but it hurt before he was even an inch inside of me. I told him, and he immediately backed up and continuously apologized. I said it was okay, it wasn’t that bad and didn’t last long. I asked and unfortunately, he didn’t have lube, but I still wanted to try one more time. He was hesitant and made sure I felt comfortable attempting again. The same thing happened, and we gave up on having penetrative sex. We then cuddled, laughed, put our clothes back on, and he drove me back to my dorm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was very happy for the experience, despite neither of us orgasming. It was nice being so close to someone again. We were both very happy to have a new sexual partner, and have had sex a few times since then. Next time we’ll have lube and try again. We look forward to it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel more desirable, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, I wanted to positively associate sex with someone other than my former fuckbuddy, who ended up bullying me.

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friend, they were happy for me.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Continuous and enthusiastic consent

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing, we had a great time even though we weren’t able to do everything we wanted to. The whole experience was the most important part.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I felt more confident talking a partner about my sexual desires. It felt good to have so much consent, something my previous partner wasn’t always the best at.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? No.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is shamed too much by society, and there’s nothing wrong expressing your sexuality in any way you see fit, as long as it is safe, sane, and consensual.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? This is a great platform to share experiences and promote casual sex advocacy.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!