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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 44
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Designer
What’s your current relationship status?
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20ish?
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

I Want to Fuck Your Pussy

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 day

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? C is a forty-something man of Middle Eastern decent. Under six feet tall, darker skin, bald, average attractiveness and body type. Physically, I was above his level, but he made me laugh, which I find very attractive. I met C on a dating site. We had been texting for a couple of days. Our texts involved a lot of sexual banter, mild sexting, and sharing our sexual likes and dislikes with each other. There was no pretense about what was likely to happen when we met. Physical attractiveness aside, I was fairly hopeful going in because he had an awesome sense of humor, which I love. He said in his profile and in our convos that he was looking for a long-term relationship, but I didn’t quite believe him and didn’t really care. I recently ended a “friends with benefits” relationship, which, while I know it was the right thing to do, I cannot get past. My “friend” is married, but after we began sleeping together, it was clear to both of us that what we had was much more than friends… but there’s no good ending to be had there. I was hoping being with someone else would help ease the pain I’m feeling from missing my friend. I also just really needed a release and to have some fun. If it went anywhere after the hookup, fine, and if not, that would be fine too.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met at a coffee shop in a location he chose, near an airport, so there were many nearby hotels. I would say he instigated the actual hook-up, but I was pretty certain that’s where this was going. The thing that really bothers me about the encounter was that he really irritated me while we were having coffee. He wanted to kiss me in the coffee shop, he kept turning the convo toward the sex, and actually said, out of no where, “I want to fuck your pussy.” I found this so… desperate and gross. Even though we were pretty explicit in our texts, I expected he at least have thinly-veiled interest in me other than my vagina. I already knew sleeping with him was going to be a challenge for me, because I was not physically attracted to him. I was hoping some of the non-sexual banter I enjoyed so much while texting would make up for that. It didn’t and I don’t know why I agreed to go through with it. I kept having to convince myself to go through with it. (“I always was curious about Middle Eastern men,” “I took the time to shave my vagina, drove 45 minutes…” “Maybe he’s just nervous, maybe it’s cultural, maybe he’ll just shut the fuck up when he sees how uncomfortable this is making me.” Against my gut instincts telling me to just go home, I went along as he rented a room, bought some wine and we drove to the hotel.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He was all over me the moment we entered the room. I made him slow down, because I knew I needed at least one drink. The sex was disappointing. His dick never got rock solid hard. Since he already knew my preferences, I was expecting more. He wouldn’t go down on me. Said it would take some time for him to get there, because in his culture, it’s considered “dirty.” Mostly missionary even though I told him I liked it from behind. I’m pretty sexually adventurous, so this was a huge disappointment. I should have left, but now I was naked and tipsy, so I just made the best of it, and kept drinking. I stayed the night, rejected his request for morning sex and got the fuck out of there.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I’m disgusted with myself for not listening to my gut. There is no future with this person. If the sex was satisfying, then maybe, but this man just has nothing to offer me.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I’ve told no one and don’t plan to.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? I can do much better, even if it is just a hookup.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Distracted me from my real problems for a bit.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Loss of self respect.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I’m not a casual sex person. I need a mental connection, and if that’s there, then it’s not really casual any more, is it?

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I believe there is a huge amount of men on dating sites that are actually married and lie about it. I suspect this might have been C’s case. Many men also specifically target middle-aged women. Are we a desperate lot? Maybe. I didn’t date and/or have sex for a year after my separation. When I started my “friends with benefits” relationship, it reminded how much I missed having not only a sexual partner, but a friend. I have a good friend also “dating” a married man who she met online.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I do not judge anyone who engages. Perhaps if I were in a different place in my life, I could. Just need more right now. Stating the obvious, but wish men didn’t feel the need to lie about their intentions. It’s insulting. Women are capable making the decision to fuck, without the expectation of committment. Wish men understood we are also sexual beings.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s fantastic. Shedding light on what many don’t talk about, especially demographics past college and 20-somethings.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!