What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 35
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 13
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Wine Soaked Italian Hookup
How long ago did this hookup happen? A few months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I was in Italy for an academic function. Several of my friends from different institutions were there. I was invited by one friend to join her group for dinner. He was part of the group. We had other mutual friends but I had never met him before. He was well dressed, tall, and thin, with pale skin. Clean shaven. Brown hair and I think he had brown eyes. I would describe him as more pretty than handsome. I thought he was nice. I enjoyed talking to him. I didn’t feel immediately attracted to him. I wasn’t even sure he was into women.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After dinner, he and my friend and I walked around the town we were staying in. We walked rather far from the center of town and were close to his Airbnb. He invited us to come over for a glass of wine; my friend said she was tired and left. I went back with him. We shared a bottle of wine and talked. We opened a second bottle of wine. I don’t really remember how this part happened but we were clasping hands over our wine glasses. Then we both stood up and began urgently making out. I remember him grabbing my ass and pulling me close to him.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was pretty drunk so I don’t remember a lot from the first round. Our clothes came off in the front room and we fooled around on the futon a while before ending up in the bed. I remember going down on him for a bit. I think he went down on me too. I remember there was a brief conversation about protection and how this was just for fun and it didn’t mean anything. The sex was fairly rough. I was kind of out of it but I remember him calling me a whore while he was inside me. That sort of woke me up. I remember being really shocked by that but also turned on by it.
In the morning, we were both mildly hungover, but it wasn’t awkward. We kissed and soon began fooling around again. He played with my breasts and my clit for a bit. I told him I was too hungover to come but asked if he wanted to be inside me again. It was hard and fast, and he held me down so that I had bruises on my arms from his fingertips. He was pretty vocal, and he called me a whore again. He came pretty hard and it seemed like his orgasm went on for a while. We both fell asleep again for a while. After showering and breakfast, we went out and spent some time sightseeing together until he had to leave to meet some other friends. I only saw him once more during the trip after that for about five minutes. We hugged and said goodbye and that was that.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was traveling by myself so I had a lot of time to think about it. Even though I am married I didn’t really feel guilty because it wasn’t like it was premeditated and I knew I wasn’t going to see him again. My only regret was that we could both have enjoyed ourselves more if we hadn’t been drunk/hungover. I did email him once afterward to say thanks for the ride, basically, and that I hoped we could be friends if we met at another event. He sent a friendly email back. I haven’t reached out or heard from him since. I would probably sleep with him again if we were in the same place and he was interested. I thought about the sex a lot for a couple of weeks afterward. I don’t really anymore though.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Intoxication, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? We agreed that what happens in Italy stays in Italy. We have too many mutual friends in the same profession. I’ve only told one person who isn’t connected to my other friend groups.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? My sex life had been very stagnant and I felt very undesirable. I was surprised that this good-looking younger guy wanted me. It made me feel sexier than I have in a long time.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I wish that I hadn’t done it behind my partner’s back. I can’t talk to anyone about it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I came back from my trip feeling more sexy and confident but also realizing that I was very unfulfilled in my sex life. I talked to my partner about it (without specifics) and we agreed to try opening our relationship.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I never planned for this to happen but I’m not surprised that it happened. Italy is a sexy place.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I don’t really know how it has changed my view. I think I’d prefer to have more long-lasting connections with people but casual sex can be fun as long as it is safe and consensual.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s good for people to be able to read others’ stories to learn that casual sex doesn’t have to be shameful. I think destigmatizing casual sex could lead to people having safer sex and practicing consent better.
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