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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Mortician
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Kinky, former village bicycle
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 65+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Who is This Woman and How Did She Control My Vagina?

How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Met on Craigslist when I got drunk and posted an ad looking for a Dom. (I was in a really bad place following a horrific sexual assault and stayed piss-drunk for about six months after.) We had texted and emailed for several days, probably 100+ exchanges, some just conversation, many very explicit. He was military, about to be discharged, SUPER hot body, not bad in the face, 23. I had high hopes, as I was very attracted to him physically and he seemed pretty cool in general.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met outside a porn store, the kind with watching booths. We chatted a bit outside, and he was friendly, funny, and totally normal. We set some ground rules: no photos, no marks, and I was going to keep my scalpel within arm’s reach at all times (he was well aware that my knowledge of the circulatory system made this a far more reliable lethal weapon than a gun, and also that I train in Krav Maga). Not much planning was involved on my part, but he’d obviously put some thought into it, as he carried a large duffel bag into the shop with us.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We go into a booth and he tells me to take my clothes off. While I do, he cuts out a few rails of coke on a mirror he pulled out of the bag, hands me a straw. While I’m bent over doing a line, I feel something cold and wet pressing into my ass, and something furry on my legs. When I stand up, I’m wearing a butt plug with a real fox tail attached. He orders me to my hands and knees, I comply and begin sucking him while he does a line. He was a natural Dominant, and the rest of the hour is something of a blur. He ordered me around, he yanked me around by my hair, he held me down, put a leash and collar on me, used a belt and a riding crop, applied nipple clamps, and used my body very roughly. I lost count of the number of orgasms I had. As we were leaving, he asked if I wanted to come back to his place to drink and smoke weed and blow his cousin who’d come in from New York to help him move. Being coked up and high on multiple orgasms, I agreed. I ended up staying the weekend. Most of the time we were just chilling out, playing video games, getting high, drinking beer. But I was naked, and only allowed to sit on the furniture with his permission. I did blow his cousin and had some pretty super sex with him as well. The domination continued; I slept cuddled up with him, but with my leash tied to the bed. (It wasn’t hard to undo the collar when I had to pee in the middle of the night.) More kinky sex; I lost count of the number of times we screwed.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He was moving back to Buffalo in three days, so we never saw each other again, but we exchanged a few texts to the effect of, “That was freaking amazing, thanks for the great time, you were awesome.”

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Intoxication, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, Cocaine

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, Cocaine

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? I was cheating on my husband.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It got me completely out of a very painful headspace for a few days, and I lived out fantasies I’ve had since puberty. Plus, ALL the orgasms.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Again, I was cheating.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It allowed me to come to terms with the fact that yes, I am indeed a very kinky submissive, and yes, I do very much like the things I’d fantasized about but never tried. After getting sober and back into my right mind, I admitted to my husband those fantasies, and now we’re exploring them together.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It was in many ways the ideal casual hookup — neither of us had any expectation of it continuing beyond a few days of shenanigans, he moved away, we agreed upon terms before any physical contact, he was very respectful of my boundaries, and gave great aftercare — snuggling, bringing me a blanket, making sure I stayed hydrated, petting my hair, telling me how beautiful I was, etc.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve had a lot of casual sex in my life, but this was the most extreme, kink-wise, and the most satisfying. Despite making me crawl on all fours and beating me with a belt, he was one of the most respectful and affectionate dudes I’ve had a one-time hookup with. I think casual sex in our culture is becoming less taboo, but it’s the “get drunk and hook up” or “be a booty call for someone who won’t commit but who you secretly want to be with” type, and that sucks. I’d like to see people embrace the idea that casual sex can be arranged with forethought, that boundaries can and should be set beforehand, that it can be fun and safe and beneficial to both parties, and that it’s not for everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!