What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Hungary
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
Worst Sex of My Life
How long ago did this hookup happen? Few month ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a friend of a friend. He had long black hair, dark eyes, average/skinny body, narrow eyes, quite good looking, although not what you would call beautiful. He wasn’t my type.
Let’s call him: ” L.”
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Together with some friends we drank alcohol at a small “island” in the capital city of my country. When the sun has went down, “L” and I goes to him to watch movies. Near his flat, at the park, I lay down the grass. He leaned over me and said: ” You should cheat your boyfriend, ‘cuz he does it behind your back, he lives far away from this city, you’ll never come to it, if he did it.” etc.,etc.
I got shock and he took advantaged of this situation to start fingering me. “You are really wet,” said “L”. I said stop, got up and we went to his flat.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? In “L”s flat, I laid down his bed while he put on the movie. During the films he petted my leg and complimented me. After 2 movies, we were going to sleep – well, that’s what I wanted, but “L” started his bullshit again and I felt very ashamed of myself as I knew what a horrible thing I was doing, which made me exponentially more aroused. I remember the shame I felt. He started fingering me, licking and sucking my breast. I lost my mind, I couldn’t feel the shame. He took my pants off and started fucking me. “You are so wet and tight,” said “L”.
But he had a small penis and had some problem with ejaculation so the whole thing was about 3-5 min. That was the point where I said, ” This was dumb,” and went to sleep.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt such shame. I left “L”‘s home as soon as I could, when I woke up. I have no emotional ties or feeling for this person now.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? I was confused, angry and sad
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend and my boyfriend. My BF was very disappointed, angry and cried a lot that afternoon, but he forgave me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I regret it because for a long time after the fact I defined myself as the terrible person I was on that night.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Maybe the fingering – it was good.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The complete destruction of my self esteem and worth.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I done a terrible thing, but that’s not who I am. I’m still with my boyfriend. I know a lot of people will read this and think me a horrible person and such a bitch. It is in intense pain, that I think we learn of ourselves.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s really great, some really interesting stories, and quite a lot where I end of just getting quite horny!
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