What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? n/a
What’s your current relationship status? Single
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The worst thing that ever happened to me
How long ago did this hookup happen? Several weeks ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Scary
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We matched on a dating app, texted, talked on the phone, agreed to meet. I was dubious, he was much older and seemed a bit strange. We met over coffee and he was charming and charismatic in person. One thing led to another, he convinced me to come back to his apartment.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He drove me back to his apartment, I was nervous. I was not interested in hooking up because I was on my period. I told him that but he was unconcerned, I thought maybe he wanted a blow job. When we got inside, he pushed me up against the wall and began undressing me, I was terrified and mortified.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was there for most of the day, much of that time I was in handcuffs. He raped me repeatedly. At first I was upset and tried to resist, but before long all the fight went out of me and I just lay there, hoping he would get bored with me quickly & wondering if he was planning on murdering me. He didn’t kill me, but he didn’t get bored quickly either. He didn’t stop torturing me until I was completely humiliated and degraded, he even pissed on me at one point. When he was done with me he drove me home.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt absolutely sick and horribly sore afterwards and I mostly stayed in bed for a few days. It didn’t immediately sink in what had happened. I gave a statement to the police but nothing has come of it yet. I feel scared all the time, I’m in therapy for PTSD, I wake up every night with nightmares, and I’m still afraid he’ll decide to come back for me, even though it’s been over a month. I’m terrified of him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal
What were your motives for this hookup? I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave a clear ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? He made me do it, so he must have wanted it.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told some of my friends, they were sympathetic towards me and angry at him. I told the police, and they acted like this sort of thing happens all the time (maybe it does).
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? It was not consensual, it was not my fault. But I DO regret putting myself in a situation where this sort of thing could happen.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Nothing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Everything.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, it has made physical intimacy of all kinds very very difficult for me. I cannot stand being touched, even by my friends. I cannot foresee a future where I will ever be able to have sex with male partners again, and it’s going to be a long time before I feel comfortable with female partners either. I used to have a lot of casual sex, but I definitely will not ever be comfortable doing that again, now that I know how dangerous it can be.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I want to say a word of caution to all young women. I thought I was hookup-savvy enough that this would never happen to me. I was strong and smart and carried pepper-spray and took reasonable precautions & in the end none of that mattered in the slightest. Be very very careful, don’t trust people you’ve just met, and maybe take a self-defense class. Trust your instincts when someone gives you a bad vibe.
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