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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? United Kingdom
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Self-employed
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (open)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Polyamorous
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

You Like Sucking Cock, Don’t You?

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 month ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We’d met maybe a month before for drinks to discuss doing rope bondage together, and had then met to tie together on one occasion before this, so we’d had physical contact before but nothing sexual. I’m not into him, like attracted to his appearance or excited by his body or his personality or the things he says, but I like spending time together, and he’s fun to be tied up by.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I got to his house, he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me upstairs to his bedroom. He’d told me beforehand that that would happen, and he let go of me at the top of the stairs so I could walk past his housemate’s open door looking normal. He’d messaged me a fair bit about what he planned to do with me before I got there. I’d say that he instigated it because it took planning from his perspective. He’d laid out an array of sex toys and objects to hit me with beforehand, and got me to choose what I’d most like to play with, and things I didn’t want to try.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I chose to be hit with a flogger. I was tied up with my hands behind my back, lying face down on the floor as he hit me with it. I was gagged, which was a relief because I have a tendency to try to make awkward small talk and I want to be in a submissive headspace and not have to try to control the situation.

I also chose to play with a wand vibrator, but as soon as he picked it up, I almost wanted to be hit more to put off that because I felt awkward at the idea of showing that side of myself. He held it against me and told me that I could either be allowed to orgasm but he’d choose when that stopped, or I could choose not to orgasm. I didn’t know if I’d have to ask permission and thought that I might not be able to orgasm with someone I hadn’t done anything with before. It was the first time I’d done anything with someone new since a very significant breakup. But I was curious to know, and a little adamant that I wouldn’t ask to be allowed to cum because I had to do that with my ex and I didn’t want to do that with someone new. I enjoyed being able to orgasm without asking and without having to indicate explicitly that it had happened. He asked before moving my knickers to one side and sliding his fingers into me and licking me. I have fewer inhibitions if I’m really turned on. I thought about saying no to being licked because it makes me feel shy, but I wanted to know how it would feel.

He asked me about things I might or might not consent to in the future. I was gagged so could only nod or shake my head. I felt a bit boring because there were so many things I didn’t want to do. I have often done the things before but don’t want to do them again. One of the strange ones was kissing because I didn’t know what to say. I think a lot of people find it a little bit strange that I’ll do so many sexual acts but might not want to kiss at all. He took the gag out of my mouth and kissed me. It surprised me, and I didn’t really kiss back. We agreed not yet on kissing.

He got me to put my mouth against his hard cock through his trousers. I don’t know why I didn’t expect him to get me to suck him properly. I realized at the time that it was about to happen that this was the first time I’d done this with someone I didn’t have feelings for. Mostly I knelt, and he fucked my face. He said that I was good at it. He grabbed my hair and said, “you like sucking cock, don’t you?” I smiled and nodded; I think more because it was the hot thing to do. It’s not that there was anything terrible about it, but I realized that I wasn’t super into it. I think before I’ve always liked it because it’s something I’ve done for someone that I love. When I choke on them, I know it makes them happy. My other partners don’t tend to cum from oral, whereas this felt like waiting for him to cum. I don’t really like cum in my mouth, but I didn’t say anything. I felt a bit insecure that I wasn’t making him cum. He said my name a lot when he was close. I sometimes find it strange when people do things during hookups that feel intimate when they’re not – it’s not that I dislike those things, I just find it kind of fascinating. I like that hookups lead to finding out stuff like that about someone.

I was glad when he came on my face rather than in my mouth. He cleaned his cum and my spit off my face with my discarded knickers. I got cum on my skirt and felt a bit dirty afterward. I went to the bathroom to clean up properly. I had to walk past his housemate’s open door again, and it felt a bit walk-of-shame-y. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a bit of a mess. I kind of like that though. In a way, I think I fetishize shame and those kinds of empty feelings after a hookup. I wasn’t really being used, not in a bad way, but sometimes it feels good to think about it like that. I get to feel like a victim and feel important. I had a message from my ex when I checked my phone. I messaged him from the bathroom to tell him I was missing him.

I put on the spare knickers I’d brought with me, put my hair in pigtails and went back. I’d thought I might cry in the bathroom. I wasn’t really sad about it, but I’m not very good at saying yes to the things I want or no to the things I don’t want, and after I’ve orgasmed I often feel a bit like “what am I even doing here?”

We tend to get on quite well. We can have conversations, and we occasionally do things together that aren’t sex or bondage, but I felt a bit of urgency to get away once we were done. I don’t know if he felt that way too. He’s fun to do things with, but I have a lot of shame feelings, especially because I don’t have feelings for him and am not really attracted to him. He just can give me really good orgasms, and I guess I feel a bit rubbish that I like that so much.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? It was a bit weird going home with cum on my clothes and in my hair, my longterm partner is fine with me having other relationships, but he doesn’t like to know the details. So, I felt somewhat ashamed going to shower straight away when I got home and not being able to talk to him about what happened.

The next day I felt a bit like maybe things had moved too quickly to a sexual place. I’d wanted to do rope with him because he’s good at it, and I felt I needed someone safe and consistent that I could explore that with. I felt like I’d moved things to an unpredictable place by doing this – but it was fun, and I felt really good that it had been so easy to orgasm with someone new. I think I was fine with the stuff that was directed towards me, but I felt strange about sucking his cock. I didn’t feel right about saying that because it felt so selfish – but I’d felt like because he made me cum first that I owed him, and so once I was doing it I didn’t want to stop or say no. I don’t think he had those thoughts at all. It was just all me. So I told him I felt uncomfortable with doing sexual things and maybe we could take a step back again and do rope and pain. He was absolutely awesome about this, like really supportive of me setting boundaries especially because he knows I find it hard, and he was nothing but positive about it. It made me realize that he’s probably a safe person to explore things with.

I expect that I’ll see him again, but generally when I do see him I kind of fall off the face of the earth communications-wise afterward because I don’t want to get into a relationship or for him to think I like him in that way. Plus I feel ashamed, so I need a few days to sort my head out and work out why it’s okay to do this stuff.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes,’ but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I didn’t give full details, but I spoke a bit to my ex because he’d said that it was a condition for us hooking up in the future that he knew if I was doing certain things with other people. He said he found it difficult. He tried to make an issue of STIs even though what we did didn’t involve me swallowing cum. He said that he’d felt close to me and then I’d gone and fucked someone else.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I think I just regret that I can’t really trust myself to communicate at the time whether I want to do something or not and feel obligated to do things even if I’m not comfortable.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was really hot finding that I could easily have really good orgasms with someone new when I’d started to believe that there was something wrong with me and my ability to feel pleasure because I found it really difficult to orgasm with my ex.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I don’t enjoy making someone cum with my mouth, and the idea of cum in my mouth just makes me feel unpleasant, so I just spent a lot of the time dreading that.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? That it can be pretty fun to find out sexual things about people, like how they do things, how it feels to play in different ways with someone. That there doesn’t have to be feelings there, it can just be curiosity. It’s like learning something really private and intimate about someone.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think I’ve had a lot of curiosity about casual sex because it’s something most people seem to have experienced more than I have. Starting to explore it feels kind of risky, like more emotionally than physically because I think society seems to give the idea that it might damage you, that sex is so important that you have to be really careful about it being significant. Those aren’t things that I believe, but somehow my behaviors and feelings often reflect that. I hope that one day it won’t feel like that.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s great because it’s not always easy to talk about experiences or to find people who will share about it, and it’s interesting to know. It also helps me because I don’t have anyone that I can talk to about these explorations so processing it by writing it down feels like it might help.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!